Many people still don't know how to react when someone they care about comes out to them, even though more and more people are feeling comfortable enough to "come out of the closet."If you don't know how to accept a friend's sexual orientation, remember that they are still the same person as before, and you just know a little more about them now.You can come to terms with your friend's orientation by reacting appropriately, empathizing and finding ways to keep your friendship strong.
Step 1: Stay calm.
If you feel shocked or upset, don't freak out.It is okay if you need a little time to wrap your head around it.Take a deep breath and remember how you felt about your friend.There is no reason to treat your friend differently now that they are the same person.Close your eyes and count to 10.Take a few deep breaths through your nose and mouth.You can ask your friend to listen to music or walk around the block.It's a relief when you come out because you've been dancing around the topic.
Step 2: Tell your friend that you still care about them.
Your friend is probably feeling nervous and uncertain right now, so make sure you value their friendship as much as possible.Give them a hug if they are comfortable with being touched."I'm glad you told me, but it doesn't change anything," you might say.I care about you just as much as I have in the past.
Step 3: Thanks to your friend for trusting you.
Coming out can be frightening for people who are just coming to terms with their sexuality.Your friend trusted you enough to confide in you.I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.Thanks for trusting in our friendship and sharing it with me.I like your honesty and bravery.
Step 4: You should not trivialize your friend's orientation.
Before coming out to anyone, most people do a lot of thinking and soul-searching.Your friend is not likely to change their orientation.Showing doubt about the situation may hurt your friend and make them feel like you aren't taking them seriously.Don't say things like, "Are you sure?" or "It's probably just a phase."
Step 5: As long as your friend requires it, talk about it.
A good conversation can help you process your feelings.Try to understand where your friend is coming from.If your friend seems uncomfortable with a topic, don't be afraid to ask questions, but respect their limits.You could ask, "How long have you known you're gay?" or "What can I do to support you?"I would like to.
Step 6: Don't talk about you.
Remember your friend's needs and feelings.Your friend is still going through a lot more than you are right now.There is plenty of time to reflect and work on your own feelings.If your friend asks you to, it is okay to share your feelings.Don't make your feelings the focus of your conversation.It will take some time for me to get used to this, but you are still my best friend.If they come out as gay and you are the same gender as them, don't assume they have a crush on you.
Step 7: Put yourself in the shoes of a friend.
Imagine living in a world where heterosexuality was stigmatized.Think about how you would want other people to treat you.Think about how you can make a difference in your friend's life by being a good friend.Despite increasing societal acceptance, LGBTQ people still face issues like workplace and housing discrimination, mental health problems, violence, and judgment from family and friends.Some people face rejection from their families.You can support your friend better if you are aware of these issues.
Step 8: Don't forget to educate yourself.
Understanding the history of the LGBTQ community and the problems they face today can help you understand and eventually accept your friend's orientation.It's a good idea to talk to your friend.There are a lot of educational resources online.The website of the GLBT Historical Society is a good resource.The PFLAG website is a good resource.
Step 9: Ask questions.
Leave it a mystery if you don't understand something.Talking with a friend will help you clarify things.Remember, though, that your friend is only one person and doesn't speak for everyone.Try to find an answer with your friend if you ask a question.You can take matters into your own hands and learn from your research.Your friend will appreciate your interest and effort.
Step 10: Do you have any feelings about your friend's orientation?
If you feel challenged because of your friend's orientation, take some time to think about why.Do you feel negative towards LGBTQ people because of your beliefs or attitudes?Look for ways to address these issues.You could find more information on the issue by talking to someone else.Your feelings and beliefs are up to you.Don't be angry with yourself.Being unaware but willing to learn is okay.Accept your friend as you work through your own feelings.
Step 11: Accept that you won't change your friend's orientation.
Your friend is certain about their orientation, so whether or not it is a choice is irrelevant.Take their word for it, if you want to be a good friend.Treat your friend's orientation as a simple fact, like their height, and avoid using language that suggests it is a choice or lifestyle.
Step 12: Don't become fixated on your friend's orientation.
Don't make a big deal of your friend's orientation or ignore it.Don't change the way you treat your friend, just keep doing the same things.Your friend isn't defined by their orientation or sex life more than you are.
Step 13: You should support your friend.
Support your friend when they need it.Offer to help them come out to other people if you include them in your plans.Stand up for your friend if they are harassed.If your friend is dating someone, meet them.You have an interest in your friend's life.
Step 14: Your friend should respect you.
Your knee-jerk reaction might be to worry that your friend is interested in you.Try not to worry.There is no reason to assume that your friend wants to make a move on you, because you don't put the moves on everyone of the opposite gender.It is possible that your friend develops feelings for you.Don't make a big deal of it.If they are a good friend, they will understand and respect your wishes.Even if you are curious, don't have sex with your friend.If you aren't serious, your friend may end up feeling used.The risk of ruining your friendship is not worth it.
Step 15: Don't let your friend's confidence go to waste.
Don't let your friend go to anyone else.They can trust you to keep their orientation confidential if you ask who else they have told.If you decide that you can't maintain the friendship, be respectful of your friend's privacy and keep the reason to yourself.Say you drifted apart if anyone asks.