Codependency is a learned behavior that many families have.It can be passed down through the generations.Codependence is a behavioral condition that impacts an individual's ability to have healthy, mutually- beneficial relationships.If you have a family member who is dependent, you may feel like you're being manipulated.It may be hard to break the cycle.You can move past it as long as you detach from codependency.
Step 1: Read about co dependent behavior.
You have to know what codependency looks like to recognize it.If you take the time to educate yourself, you will be able to see if your family member fits the description.A mental health professional can diagnose codependency, but some telltale symptoms include: low self-esteem Constant people-pleasing Little to no boundaries Caretaking as a means of control Painful emotions
Step 2: You cannot cure your family member of codependency.
There is a mental health condition called codependency.It's not something you can cure for your family member.They may think that they are getting along just fine with you and your family, even though they may not realize it.Don't expect your family member to see their behavior as co dependent if they have already come to that conclusion on their own.It may make matters worse if you try to force your family member to see your point of view.Treatments in the form of psychotherapy are available.Your family member won't seek it until they decide that there are no other options.
Step 3: Where is the codependency coming from?
You shouldn't feel like you need to deal with emotional manipulation.It is important to understand that a co dependent person may not know they are manipulating you.They think they are doing the best thing for you.Understanding if a person is trying to manipulate you can help you figure out how you want to interact with your family member.Do not use this to justify their actions.Remember that a co dependent person isn't operating in the same frame of mind as you.A mental health problem is guiding their actions.
Step 4: If you are influencing co dependent behavior, consider it.
Codependency can be a reaction to another person's behavior.Do you know if you are feeding a family member's codependency by engaging in any activities?Codependence can be seen in the parents and spouses of addicts.The codependency person may feel an obligation to take care of the addiction if they don't.Do you have tendencies that could be feeding into a co dependent person's behaviors?It is possible that you are part of a codependency relationship.
Step 5: Don't contact your family member.
It does not mean that you will not see or speak to your family member.A family member is separated from their behavior.You should only respond to things that are part of your family member's life or personality.This is a normal and healthy interaction if your mother asks for some fashion advice.If she comes to your house to replace all of your shoes because she believes you aren't getting the best arch support, this is a codependency action.
Step 6: Personal boundaries need to be created.
You can either communicate those boundaries to your family member or not.Take some time to set boundaries that you are comfortable with.Do you need to stay physically and mentally healthy on a daily basis?Your boundaries should be built around that.If, for example, it is important for you to have time every evening to wind down and disengage for the day, make a boundary that says you will not answer calls, texts, or social media after a certain time.If you decide to let your family member know about your boundaries, state them as fact.You do not need to rationalize them.It is possible to tell your family member that you no longer want to be on your phone or computer after 7 pm.
Step 7: The right way to say no is found here.
Familiarity and "button-pushing" are part of codependency.It may be a good idea to say no and distance yourself from your dependent family members temporarily.You can walk away when things get rough if you find the right way to say no.When co dependent behaviors are not threatening your sense of self, you may use a calm response."Sorry, I just wouldn't be comfortable doing that" or "Yes I see that you do not have the same point of view; we are not communicating" are examples.You do not owe anyone an explanation.You aren't obligated to meet your family member's emotions.
Step 8: Nonviolent communication can be practiced.
A form of communication that causes harm is called violent communication.It is possible to remove yourself from a codependency by practicing non-violent communication.This can help you detach from the control of codependency.Explaining how you feel without blame or criticism is part of nonviolent communication.Instead of saying, "You always try to control me!"You can say, "When I hear you telling me that, I feel like I don't have personal autonomy."I want to be able to make that kind of decision for myself.Using "I" statements helps communicate your point without assigning blame or causing your family member to get defensive.
Step 9: Detach for a while.
If your family member is controlling your life, you may not want to leave.For a longer period of time, it may be more beneficial to detach completely.Depending on their behavior and your needs, this could be anywhere from a day to a year.You can choose how detached you want to be.You could decide that you don't want to be around your family member without other people around, or you could choose to stay away.If you feel that a situation is potentially dangerous, leave it.
Step 10: Change is expected to be slow.
You can help encourage change by your attitude.Change often involves dealing with big emotions and overcoming personal fears.They will take time and are not easy to do.People who are dependent on each other may react with anger or aggressiveness.Don't react to these things.These are fear-driven reactions that should be avoided.Try not to be angry when you are frustrated.Take a deep breath and think about what you are going to say.You can excuse yourself for a minute until you are calm enough to return to the situation.
Step 11: The focus should be on your health and wellbeing.
It can be difficult to keep track of your own wellbeing when dealing with a dependent family member.Don't let your family member's actions distract you from your daily tasks.Pick a few things that you do for yourself each day, and stick to them.You can make an evening routine out of going for a run and taking a hot bath.If you want to relax and detach from the stress of your dependent family member, look for things that prioritize your personal health.These practices will help cope with and move on from codependency.
Step 12: If other family members are mature, treat them like it.
Everyone in your family is not dependent on one family member.Don't let your family member's behavior dictate how you interact with them.If they give you a reason not to do so, then treat them as if they are mature.This could mean asking someone directly for the thing you want, instead of going through a process of being detached to avoid manipulation.