It can be hard to set boundaries with people you care about.There is no need to feel guilty about it.If you can't care for yourself, you'll never be able to help others.Setting boundaries allows you to practice self-care and prevent you from feeling violated.It is possible and necessary to establish boundaries with your partner, friends, and family.
Step 1: Talk about how long you need to be alone.
If the relationship is new, it is common to want to spend a lot of time with your partner.Everyone needs time to themselves.If your partner is preventing you from being alone, talk to them about how much time you need alone.Listen and respect what your partner needs.If you only want them to spend time with you, you may become suffocating.You could say, "I really enjoy spending time with you."I need time to myself and to spend time with my friends and family.It is not against you.If they can't accept what you need, you may want to rethink the relationship.
Step 2: Be clear about what you need.
miscommunication can lead to fights.If you aren't direct about it, your partner may not know what you need.They may do something else because they think that is what you want, but only upset you as a result.You could say, "I really need you to respect that I want to be left alone for the first hour I'm awake."If I have that alone time as soon as I wake up, I will be in a better mood.
Step 3: Let them know you won't tolerate it.
Some partners try to control the relationship with their significant others.If you aren't willing to tolerate your partner's actions, tell them as soon as you see them.They may act this way again if you don't stay strong with your decision.I enjoy being in a relationship with you, but I am not willing to let you tell me what I can and cannot do.If they want to make the relationship work, they will respect your boundaries.Give them the benefit of the doubt.If you have never before expressed your needs in that area, it's not fair to hold something against your partner.
Step 4: Go at your own pace.
Tell your partner how you feel.Discuss what you need.You may need to hear a lot of them, or you may not like hearing them at all.It is important to discuss these boundaries with your partner.You may feel pressure from your partner to say "I love you" even if you aren't ready.Tell them how you feel about them, because you haven't reached that point yet.Let them know you don't want to hurt their feelings, but also not lie to them.You should not have to say anything in order to make a relationship work.
Step 5: Talk about your physical boundaries.
When the subject is brought up, it is important to let your partner know that you have physical boundaries.Sometimes this can happen in the heat of the moment while other boundaries may be clear to you.Speak clearly and respectfully about what you need.If you aren't willing to do something, be clear about what you are.You might find a certain way of cuddling uncomfortable on your back, or there might be some sexual expressions you don't feel comfortable with.If your partner can't respect the boundaries, it may be time to move on.
Step 6: Tell any consequences.
Setting consequences for violations is an important part of boundary-setting.If you speak your boundaries, you don't have to worry about consequences when they are crossed.When your partner breaks your boundaries, give them reasonable repercussions."If you invade my privacy, I will be less likely to share things with you in the future, if you are disrespectful to me."The consequences might be presented as final outcomes or warnings.It's important to follow through and enforce your consequences.
Step 7: It's important that you know what your responsibilities are.
There is a person in a family who holds everyone together.It's great if you want to be that person.You will need to let everyone know.If you don't, you'll be the person who is expected to resolve conflicts, keep in touch with everyone, and so on.If you have a relative who always expects you to have Thanksgiving dinner at your home, you could say, "I really like that you feel comfortable in my home and like to celebrate Thanksgiving here."I don't think I'll be able to do it this year because it's a lot of work.I will be happy to help you if you want to host it at your place.
Step 8: Don't let your family know that guilt will not work.
Some people in your family resort to guilt in order to get what they want.When your mom talks about how much her sister's kids do for her, people ask her why she doesn't.You won't bend because of a guilt trip if you let them know you do what you can.Try saying, "I understand where you are coming from" when a relative is laying on the guilt.You are trying to guilt me into doing something I don't want to do.I am willing to help as much as I can.If you continue, I will not help at all.You want them to know that you expect the same kind of respect.
Step 9: Explain what you will not tolerate.
Going from raising a child to only seeing them occasionally is hard for some parents.You may only want to share a meal once a week, because they may still want you to have dinner every night.Let them know what works for you.You could tell them you would like them to call.You could tell them that some parts of your life are off-limits.Let them know that you won't tolerate any negative comments about your choices in life, who you are dating, your appearance, or anything else.Setting clear boundaries will likely be worth it in the end.
Step 10: They want alternatives.
A friend may want to stay all day.A friend would like to cry to you for hours each day about their ex-lover.Being a good friend doesn't mean doing everything they want you to do.You have the right to decide.You can offer alternatives if you cut them off completely.You can say, "You can come over, but only for a few hours because I have things I need to do." or "We can talk about your ex for 15 minutes."You are still there for them, but you are not subjecting yourself to only what they want.
Step 11: You expect help from your friend, but you don't tell them.
You might be a friend who makes themselves available to help out.You may find that you are always asked for help but never given anything in return.Let your friends know that you expect the same amount of help from them.If you have a friend who always asks you to babysit their kids, you could say, "I don't mind taking you places, but I'll need some gas money if this is going to continue."
Step 12: If you give a warning, you will be warned.
Let them know that you will be there for them.Some friends want to use up all they have, but never give anything back.They may break promises, borrow from you but refuse to return the favor, and so on.You need to let them know that you don't need them.To let your friend know when boundary violations occur, offer a warning.You could say, "Hey, you stood me up last night and that wasn't cool."If this happens again, I will stop making plans with you.
Step 13: Say goodbye to friends that cross boundaries.
In the course of establishing your boundaries, you may discover that some friends do not align with your values.These friends may push your limits, but they aren't worth the hassle.You can't maintain a friendship anymore.I feel like our relationship is one-sided.If you don't do the same for me, I will not be able to continue putting all I have into our friendship.