Things will change as your kids get older.To help your teen develop in a positive direction, you'll need to change your expectations and establish boundaries.Creating a safe, supportive, structured, and loving environment is just as important for you as it is for your teen.
Step 1: Don't treat them like an adult or child.
It is important to adjust your expectations because your teen is not a small child anymore.Teens can't be held responsible as adults.Teens need you to help them through this part of their lives, as the teenage brain is in the middle of a critical stage of development.They aren't quite developed in their decision-making, reasoning or managing impulsivity.They should be prepared for some irrational behavior instead of assuming they will act like an adult.If you are disappointed that your teen keeps making the same mistakes, be aware that he is still learning and nowhere near being an adult yet.Failure and mistakes are part of being a teenager.The negative experiences in their lives can be used as learning opportunities.
Step 2: Be flexible with their rights.
Allow more freedom if your teen is showing their responsibility.They should be more restrictive if they are making bad choices.Show them that their behavior gives them freedom or restricts their choices.If your teen is asking for permission to do something, you should say no to them.Say, "I'm not comfortable with this, but I want you to show me that you're responsible enough to go to this concert with your friends, so we need to scale back now."
Step 3: Trust, not suspicion, is the focus.
It's true that teens can get into a lot of trouble, but don't focus on the bad things they've done in the past or the risks they face.It is important for both of you to repair your trust even if your teen has betrayed it.If you think your teen is up to something, have them explain it to you.Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask questions.If your child does break your trust, take away a privilege and have them earn it back.For example, if they stay out long after curfew, say they cannot drive for a week, and they must earn the use of the car by showing they can be responsible with time.
Step 4: Stay calm.
If you are angry, gather yourself.When you are calmer, take a few deep breaths or walk away.You are more likely to give fair and reasonable consequences if you do this.If your teen knows how to push your buttons, it is important to keep your cool and not discipline them out of frustration.Listen into your body if you feel angry or upset.Do you have knots in your stomach, feel shaky, or start sweating?It is time to back off if you notice the signs.You should keep a journal of how you feel.This can help you see patterns in your child's behavior.
Step 5: Stick to the boundaries.
The teen should be aware of what they are expected to do.When they can go out, what time they need to come home, and what role they play in the home should be set.Don't set a limit because teens will want to push it.Discuss these boundaries with your teen and let them have a say in how they work.The rules they helped establish are more likely to be followed by them.There is no confusion as to what is expected of your teen if you put boundaries and rules in writing.The teen should sign off on the rules.The signed document can be brought out if they break the rules.You may decide that your teen is not allowed to do extra activities if they don't finish their chores."Oh, that sounds fun, but you never did your chores this week."I'm so sorry you can't go.Make it clear that they can leave once their work is done.
Step 6: Comply with consequences.
Learning to navigate problem behaviors can be difficult.If you don't take your teen's behavior seriously, they may think they have no limits.If you are too strict, your teen may resent you or rebel.Don't let your teen influence your decision to enforce consequences.Explain to your teen why they are in trouble when they break a rule.Make sure the consequence is proportional to the behavior and not anger.Don't become a dictator.This can cause your teenager to rebel.Don't criticize or insult them if they do something wrong.The facts and consequences should be stated.Take away privileges, such as television time or computer time, if you assign your teen more housework.Before setting rules, consider their consequences.Your teen knows what they did when they break a rule.
Step 7: It's a good idea to be reasonable.
Don't set impossible rules.It doesn't make sense to tell your teen to go to bed at 7:30 or not to hang out with friends.It's reasonable to allow teens to have freedom and independence.Listening to your teen's perspective is one of the best ways to be reasonable.Ask them if it's appropriate to go to bed on school nights.Ask them what a reasonable consequence might be when they are in trouble.Consider their perspective when you get their input.The decision is with you.Consider the strengths and limitations of your teen.It's not unreasonable to demand a clean room if your teen is messy.Allow your teen to chill out after school if they need it.
Step 8: Conflicts should be dealt with.
Teens may want to test their independence in your home.Don't fight with them.If you watch your own reactions to your teen, you can avoid major conflicts.Take some deep breaths if either of you are having a hard time controlling your anger.Take some time out if things get too heated.If need be, agree to disagree.Let them know that fighting is not worth it.You can use your voice to develop one-liners, such as, "I bet it feels that way" or " I know this is difficult for you."Explain calmly and rationally what your teenager did and why it broke the rules is what they are not allowed to do.Teenagers might need some space to handle conflicts if they are stressed or upset.Rational thinking can be affected by emotions.Pick your battles and let them calm down.
Step 9: Effective communication can be used.
You can help them make positive choices or come to you when they need help if you keep the lines of communication open.They can ask questions, admit mistakes, and reach out when they need help if you keep a path of open communication.Don't jump to conclusions about your teen's behavior.Don't assume they've been doing something wrong to understand their position.Make compromises with your teen.Neither of you will end up completely dissatisfied if you retain a lot of the control.You can communicate with your teenager through texts or notes.You don't have to be upset with them; just show up.
Step 10: Have a good time together.
It's important to find time to enjoy your teen.If they are making your life difficult, do activities with the family that you know everyone will enjoy.Set up a family game night once a month and play board games with your teen.Go-karting is a great activity for teens.Take a painting class with your teen.Have fun and find common ground.Quality time with your teen is still possible even if you only walk the dog once a day.As your teenager gets older, they may want to spend more time with friends and less with their family.Don't make them do family activities.They should plan activities that they really want to do.
Step 11: Understand the feelings of others.
At a crucial time in your teen's life, they need someone to understand what they're going through.You can find ways to relate to your teen if you are having a hard time connecting.Think about what a day in the life of a person would be like.Don't let your teen come to you with a problem.They don't need you to fix their problems for them, but they do need someone who will listen and empathise with them.Teens can be affected by loneliness and can have a negative impact on their exam marks.Don't punish them right away.Understand and support them so that they don't experience loneliness, isolation, or some other negative feeling from the parental side either.Don't discount your teen's problems as being caused by hormones.Their struggles seem big to them.
Step 12: Be respectful and honor your teen.
Just as you want your teen to respect you, respect them as well.Show respect even when you disagree and be a good role model.Constantly yelling at a child can damage their feelings.Ask for their opinions.Speak calmly and listen to your teen.Let them know that you trust them.Let them show you that they can do it.Praise them for what they do right.When they have done well in school, sports, social activities, chores, or family events, be aware of their efforts.
Step 13: Help your teen's interests.
Go to their events if they like sports or activities.Go to their recital if they are musical.Show your support by getting them involved in the activities they enjoy.This shows that you care about them.If they win any awards, take the whole family out to dinner and make a big deal out of it.These are easy, fun things you can do for your teen that will cement a lifelong healthy relationship between the two of you.Teenagers may want to celebrate in ways that don't include the whole family.Make sure you celebrate in a way that they choose.
Step 14: You can open your home to your teenager's friends.
A teen is looking for a place to hang out.You can be a good sport by opening your home to them.You can casually walk through a space where they can hang out.They can listen to their music, hang out, and play video games if they have some healthy snacks around.Make yourself available as well.Many of their friends might need a listening ear.Having your teen's friends over at your house means that you can casually watch what they do and make sure they are safe.
Step 15: Be available to them.
Teens don't always want physical affection, but they do want your love.Being there for your teen is a way to show your love.Praise them for who they are as a person and for the qualities they possess, not just for their academic achievement.You can also show your love through actions.Tell them these are acts of love, whether it's packing their lunch every day or going to their sports meets.Not all teens want to talk with their parents, so let them know you are willing to listen.Unconditional love and acceptance is the greatest gift you can give them, one that will not only boost their confidence to face another day, but will also steer your relationship with them in a positive direction.
Step 16: Look for problem behaviors.
If your teen is secretive, you should be aware of it.To make sure they are back by curfew, you should know who they hang out with and where they go.Take these things seriously if your teen hides what they are doing.These behaviors should not be allowed to slide.Teens may not be able or willing to express their problems in words, so they may turn to external things to deal with their pain or confusion.It's possible to act out to indicate inner turmoil that needs attention.Drug use or alcohol use should be taken seriously.Their brain is still developing so it is more dangerous.
Step 17: Listen and understand them.
While angry, bitter, or hostile teens can be difficult to deal with, do your best to listen and understand them.Teens need to feel loved.Don't interrupt them if they are angry or upset.If they aren't in the mood to talk, let them know that you can talk about it once they've cooled down.Help your teen find ways to cool down or control their anger and emotions by saying, "I can see that you're upset" or "WOW, that must have really hurt you."They can write in a journal, listen to music, run, or punch a pillow.
Step 18: You can see a counselor.
A therapist can help if your teen is showing signs of anxiety, depression, or other mental or emotional problems.Teens can be sensitive to emotional events such as a recent move or divorce.They should have an appointment with their school counselor or psychologist.Call your insurance provider or local mental health clinic if you want to see a private therapist for your teen.Take your teenager's issues seriously.They should not be brushed off as normal teen angst.During the teenage years, there are many psychological problems.If you seek treatment early, you can prevent problems from getting worse.
Step 19: Don't deal with a crisis.
Don't think twice about taking action if you think your teen is in danger.Talk or threats of suicide should be taken seriously.Call emergency services, take them to the emergency department, and alert their therapist immediately.Emergency services can help you get the care you need if you are unsure what to do.They may tell you to take them to the emergency department or keep an eye on your teen.