It can be difficult to get someone to accept help if the person is too proud, as many of us have people in our lives who need help one way or another.There are many ways in which pride can be taken.Some people are proud of their self-sufficiency, while others are not.Someone's willingness to accept help can be affected by pride.By talking with the person in a sensitive way, using tactful strategies for offering financial help, and supporting people in other ways you may be able to get a proud person to accept your help.It's important to know when to leave a person alone, because not everyone will accept help.
Step 1: Listen to what the person has to say.
To help a proud person, you need to really listen to them.Let them know you understand."I hear you, and I want to help you," you can say.Listening for the small signals that something is wrong can help you get a better grasp of the situation when you notice a proud person struggling with something.Turn off the television and put away your phone when you listen to someone.Don't look away while the person is speaking to show you are paying attention.If you repeat a short phrase out of what the person says, you can show you are listening.Ask questions to understand what the person is saying.Try saying something like, "I'm not sure I understand" if something is confusing to you.Can you tell me more about that?
Step 2: Allow the issue to be handled gently.
You might want to try to get the person to talk more about what they need help with after you have listened to them.It's important to not force them to tell you more.They might not want to talk anymore if you force it.They might become angry with you and stop listening to you.They are likely to be further away from help than they were before you talked to them.Say something like, "It sounds like you are having a hard time lately."Do you want to discuss it more?
Step 3: Don't pressure them.
Putting pressure on a person who is struggling can make them feel less like seeking help.Make sure you don't tell this person what they need to do.Try to work with the person to come up with solutions.For example, instead of telling someone, "You should apply for WIC to feed your family," you might say something like "Have you considered applying for the program to help offset the cost of food?"
Step 4: Don't have your own agenda on the person.
You may want the person to change in a way that would benefit you, but that might not be the best option for this person.The person won't listen if you try to change them to what you want.If you think a friend should look for a better job because there is no chance for her to get a promotion, you might consider why she likes this job.She enjoys the extra time she gets to focus on her hobbies.
Step 5: Ask how he or she wants to handle the situation.
Asking what the person wants to do will allow him or her to preserve their pride.The person will be able to consider all of the options.Asking questions is a way to encourage the person to consider the options.Try saying "What if you did this instead?" instead of "I think that's wrong" or "You can't do that.""Have you thought of trying that?"
Step 6: You can talk to them.
It is a good idea to see where someone is with their problems and the steps they are taking to fix them.It is possible to share strategies you have used in similar situations before giving them money.You could say, "I've struggled to pay my bills before and what helped me the most was getting help with things like buying food and paying my gas bill."Did you know that these kinds of resources are available?
Step 7: If you can, offer your money openly.
The person might be too proud to ask for money.If you offer money in a way that is sensitive, the person will accept it.You can let them know that you don't need to repay them when you give them money.It will be a relief for some.It will feel like you are pitying them.If the person says that he or she wants to repay you and you don't want to be repaid, you can just say, "You have helped me in the past when I have been struggling, will you please allow me to help you now?"
Step 8: They should be offered a loan for the money.
If the person is too proud to take money from you immediately, you may need to lend them the money.Adding financial pressure to their already strained wallet is one of the drawbacks of this.Negotiating terms that favor them but still allow them to pay you back is the best way to alleviate those fears.Don't push them because it can be difficult.You could say, "This is a loan, but you don't have to worry about paying it back right away."For now, just focus on you.
Step 9: Paying it forward can be a way of paying you back.
It's a good tactic for people who aren't willing to take a loan, as they can pay it forward and not have to think about paying it back.Once they are back on their feet, it will be something they can do.You can say, "You don't have to repay me, just promise that you will help someone else someday if you can."
Step 10: You can give them money anonymous.
If the person is too proud to ask for help, giving the money anonymous may save them from embarrassment.It could prevent awkwardness between the two of you because of a loan or gift of money.You can leave a money order in the person's mailbox.If you are a part of a religious organization, you can talk to your religious leaders to see if they can forward the money to you.
Step 11: Help out in other ways if you can.
You can help the person by offering to help with tasks that they would usually need to pay for, such as free childcare, lawn care, or personal services.If they have helped you out in any of these ways before, this is a good option.The person will have a bit of relief, but they will feel less like they are receiving charity.Say something like, "Hey Karen!"I wanted to pay you back for watching my kids.When you need a babysitter, can I watch your kids for you?
Step 12: Hire the person.
You could offer a job to the person in financial need if they are unemployed or underemployed.You should pay them the same amount as anyone else.Don't pay more or less.If the person is a contractor, you could hire them to do some repairs around your house.If the person is a teacher, you can hire them to tutor your kids.
Step 13: You can talk to them about your concerns.
If you notice a friend withdrawing or acting differently than usual, ask them how they are doing.Let them know that they can talk to you.This will allow them to express their feelings.They might be too proud to ask for help.They may think they should be able to figure it out on their own.Let them know that they are not alone.It is important that you ask in a way that does not sound pleasant.Try saying something like, "What's going on with you right now?" or "I noticed you've been struggling lately."How can I help?
Step 14: If you have experienced something similar, please share it.
Sharing your experiences will let them know they are not alone.If they seem anxious or depressed, talk about a time when you felt that way.Try to find an experience that is at least somewhat similar if you haven't felt that way before.Don't make it up.Refer them to a friend who may be able to help them more than you can.Say something like, "I have experienced something similar, but I don't know exactly what you're going through."
Step 15: Show your support
It can be a relief if you let them know you are on their side.Being a support in other ways.You can encourage them to get the help they need by taking a load off.You can offer to cook dinner for the person one night if you say something like, "I am planning to try out a new thing."Would you like to join me for dinner?
Step 16: Look for someone they respect to talk to them about the topic.
Most people look up to a mentor, a boss, or a charismatic family member.It's possible that your friend is more willing to listen to someone who he or she looks up to.Get this person to go up to the proud person and encourage them to accept help from others.This person may be able to convince your friend to seek help from you or someone else.
Step 17: Accept your limitations and know your limits.
Sometimes we can not help someone in the way they need us to.It may be time to step back if they push back aggressively or take too much from you.Even if they accept your help, there is only so much you can do as a friend.A friend can't offer therapy or medication when it's needed.If you feel that someone is taking advantage of your kindness, you can say no.If you are worried about a friend or family member, you might talk to someone who can help, such as a teacher or a counselor.
Step 18: You should maintain healthy boundaries.
This does not mean overstepping in helping them or allowing them to overstep in asking for help.Helping a proud person too much can make them feel like you pity them or that you feel sorry for them.When possible, ask how you can help, and not try to do more than is requested.If the person has reassured you that he or she is okay, then you should stop pressing them to accept your help.If you need my help, I am always here for you.Just let me know.
Step 19: Don't get upset with their decisions.
It is important for you to give them time to make their own decisions.They can either get help when they need it or reject it.Being a friend sometimes means stepping back and letting your friend choose their own path.