Power and control are the root of abuse in a relationship.A relationship is abusive when one partner uses any type of violence, whether it is physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological, to control the other partner.It is more common for women to be the victims of relationship abuse than it is for men.Abuse occurs in both heterosexual and LGBTQ relationships.Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you believe you are in an abusive relationship.You can learn how to spot warning signs of an abusive relationship.
Step 1: It's a good idea to look for perfectionism.
Abusive people have unrealistic expectations.They think that things should conform to their standards.They are very inflexible and have a strong sense of fairness and unfairness.Abused people may become violent when things don't meet expectations.romantic partners are usually held to unrealistic and unfair standards by an abusive person.The abuse may say things such as "You're the only person I need in my life" and expect you to fulfill every single need.Abusive people become angry over minor difficulties, such as a traffic jam or a child's low grade on an exam.A person with perfectistic tendencies does not necessarily mean he or she is an abusive person.The above behaviors can indicate someone with red flags.
Step 2: Think about whether the person hasmood swings or other signs of emotional distress.
Everyone has mood swings, but abusive people tend to go between emotional extremes.It might feel like you are walking on eggshells around this person, or that he has a hairtrigger that could set off.People who bottle up their emotions are more likely to explode.They might become passive aggressive and try to make you feel guilty.There are warning signs of an emotionally unhealthy person.Mental or behavioral disorders may be the cause of emotional instability.Your partner needs treatment if this is the case.You shouldn't stay with an abusive person because he needs help.
Step 3: Do the person accept responsibility?
Abusive people don't accept responsibility for their actions.They blame other people for their actions.An abusive person might say something like, "You just make me so angry when you contradict me that I can't control myself." This type of statement shifts the blame for personal actions to another person.A person who is abusive might blame others.It can be hard to see a warning sign if you look good.An abusive person might say something like, "You're so nice, not like the psycho I used to date" in order to shift the blame for a failed relationship.
Step 4: Do you feel appreciated?
An abusive person will often feel like his/her needs are more important than anyone else's.A healthy relationship will consider the ideas and needs of both partners even in a relationship where one partner takes charge.Abusive relationships are usually one-sided.This is a warning sign that the relationship is not healthy if you don't feel like your partner listens to you or is interested in your ideas.You should be able to disagree with your partner about difficult topics.Even though compromise can be difficult in healthy relationships, both partners should feel respected and heard.A person who is constantly invested in being right at all costs is not likely to pay attention to their needs and desires.
Step 5: There are signs of jealousy.
If the other person cares so much about you that he can't bear for anyone else to be interested in you, jealousy can seem flattering.Minor jealousy is a sign of future controlling behavior.Jealousy is different from caring about you.It isn't a sign of love.Jealousy is a sign that your partner doesn't trust you.
Step 6: The other person interacts with other people.
A lot of people are self-absorbed.It is a good indication of how they will treat you eventually.Abusive people may be mean or disrespectful to others.This is a sign that your partner will be comfortable mistreating you as well if you are mistreated.
Step 7: If you feel free, consider it.
Each partner should be free to make their own decisions in healthy relationships.Abusive people strip their victims of power.They may try to make you feel guilty for trying to express your own needs, and they are generally jealous and controlling.If your partner tries to control what you wear, where you go, and who you spend time with, consider whether you see any of the following.
Step 8: How do you feel about your partner?
Everyone has moments when they become irritated or angry with their partner.These experiences should be fleeting.If you feel sad, hurt, humiliated, or frustrated with your partner, this is a sign that you are not in a good relationship.Do you feel like your partner makes you miserable?Is it tiring to spend time with him/her?Do you feel bad about yourself?Does the other person try to make you feel bad for them?Are you embarrassed or belittled by your partner?Do you think there are different standards for your behavior?
Step 9: Listen to what your partner is saying to you.
Belittling, humiliation, disrespect, or intimidation are not part of a healthy relationship.It is normal for partners to occasionally hurt the other person's feelings, but this should never be intentional, and the person causing the hurt should acknowledge and apologize.Do your partner constantly criticize or nitpick you in an abusive relationship?Does your partner use abusive language towards you?Are you told you should stop using abusive language?Is your partner still doing things after you say they hurt you?Do you feel ignored, dismissed, or disrespected?Is your partner yelling or screaming at you?Do you feel bad when your partner speaks to you?
Step 10: Consider if you feel safe.
Abuse is the threat of violence.Threatening to hurt you or your loved ones if you don't do what they want is a common tactic by abusive people.You should feel safe in your relationship.It is a sign that you are not in a good relationship and need help.Abuse can be more than that.It also includes denying your basic needs, keeping you confined, and abandoning you in dangerous places.
Step 11: Consider if your sex life is fulfilling.
Sexual activity can be done by Abusive people who may use manipulation or force to get what they want.consensual and mutual are the principals of healthy sexual relationships.It is a sign of sexual abuse if you don't feel like your partner respects your wishes or is coerced into doing things you do not want to do.You can refuse certain sexual acts.Any sexual activity that you don't want to do is not a contract.If you have had sex with your partner many times before, you always have the right to say no and have that wish respected.It's also abuse if you're under pressure or coerced.If your partner says things like, "If you really loved me, you would do this", it is a sign that you are not in a good relationship.You should feel in control of your birth control choices.Your partner shouldn't try to force you to have sex without your protection.
Step 12: Abuse is never your fault.
It is a common misconception that some people are asking for trouble.Regardless of what you did or didn't do, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.Abuse is not the victim's fault.It's true for all types of abuse.The person is responsible for their own actions.
Step 13: You should be with someone you trust.
It can be dangerous to leave an abusive relationship.Don't go alone.You can find someone to talk to about your concerns.A friend, relative, counselor, authority figure, or someone from your religious tradition is what this could be.You should tell them what you are going through and ask for their support.It is more likely that you will be able to leave an abusive relationship if you have more support.
Step 14: Call the domestic violence hotline.
Even if you don't have an emergency, these hotlines can help.They give trained advocates to listen to you and help you think about your situation.They can help you figure out how to deal with your situation, provide referrals to local resources, and provide a compassionate person for you to talk to.The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US is free and confidential.Domestic violence agencies can be found on the HotPeachPages.
Step 15: Cut off your tormentor.
A lot of people try to get back into their good graces by promising to change.You should not trust this part of the abuse cycle.Don't talk with the abusive person.It is possible that you are pressured by your community, family, or traditions to give up.True forgiveness is done for you, not the other person.It's possible to give up the burden of anger without allowing the abuse to continue.It's difficult to get closure if you don't remove the abusive person from your life.
Step 16: Seek help from a professional.
The effects of abuse can be difficult to overcome.Many survivors of domestic abuse develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.Depression and anxiety can be triggered by abuse.A mental health professional can help you get over abuse and live a happy life.Many domestic violence agencies, hospitals, doctors, and women's shelters can refer you to trained counselors and therapists.Look for a therapist who uses evidence-based treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy and cognitive processing therapy.It is a common treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder.
Step 17: Your support network needs to be strengthened.
It is possible for victims of abuse to become conditioned to expect abuse in their future relationships.You can recognize that you deserve to be treated this way if you surround yourself with people who treat you well.You should make friends.People who are in abusive relationships feel isolated from their friends and family.New friends can help you feel more confident.You can join a group.People with similar interests can help you feel part of a larger community.You should be open with people you trust.It is wrong and unfair for people to judge you.Many people are happy to be with you.Talking about your experiences with people you trust can help you move on.