It is difficult to know how to help someone who is suffering.It is important to remain calm and positive.Whether someone has just had an accident, has received heartbreaking news, or has lost control of their emotions, there are some basic steps to take when trying to console someone.
Step 1: Tell the person that you care.
When someone is in emotional pain, there is no right or wrong thing to say.Pick your words, your voice, and your manners to convey what you care about.You need to act as normal as possible.Say things that are sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient and accepting.A simple, open-ended statement will encourage the other person to open up.If they are upset, it is a good idea to say, "I'm so sorry about _____."Say something like, "It's perfectly alright to cry."
Step 2: False cheerfulness is not a good idea.
There will be a time for lighthearted jokes.Cheeriness may ring hollow when someone is feeling distressed or sad.Anything that comes across as insincere may seem to belittle the gravity of what they are feeling.Don't disregard the person's current emotions by respecting how they are feeling.Don't say things like, "Look on the bright side" or "Try to put a positive spin on something that is giving someone immense pain."Don't say anything that is meant to cheer someone up, instead allow someone in emotional distress to release their feelings of despair or anger.Use statements like "You're not alone in this" to convey the fact that you are just there for them.I am here with you.
Step 3: Be aware of the situation.
If someone is upset, you need to avoid saying things that may be offensive.A statement like "It was God's will" doesn't address how a person is feeling.Make sure that what you say doesn't diminish the suffering that another person is going through.Sometimes, even statements that are true must be avoided.You don't want to tell a mother who just miscarried that she could have another child.She is currently suffering from the loss of her unborn child.
Step 4: They can open the door to talk.
They should discuss how they are feeling.You may have to tell them what to do.If you want to, say something like, "I know it may hurt to talk about, but you should feel free to do this at any point after they've calmed down."You don't want to equate your experiences to what someone else is going through.If you have had a similar experience, don't say "I know how you feel"Say something like, "I know how much you meant to me."You can say something along the lines of "I don't know what to say, but I care about you and I want to help" if you're at a loss for words.
Step 5: Offer to follow up.
Immediately following a traumatic incident, people will receive a lot of emotional support.This support will often go away.Say something along the lines of, "Hey, can I call you back in a few weeks to see how you're doing?" in order to indicate that your support will continue.They will say that if they do not want to.They need to.The knowledge of your continued support will be comforting.
Step 6: Don't rush to make a decision.
Someone who is enduring emotional hardship may not know how to act or what to do.This is a natural reaction to distress.Unless someone else's safety or well-being depends on it, you shouldn't push them to talk about what happened.Give someone space if they insist on it.You should check back with them in a few days.Let them know that you will be with them whenever they want to spend time together.
Step 7: Stay in touch.
Make sure you behave in a way that lets them know that you are still thinking about them, and that their wellbeing matters to you.Call or send a card if you don't hear from them in a week.Texting, email, and social media are impersonal and informal.If you don't know how to talk to someone, avoid them.If you don't know what to do or say, ask if there is anything you can do.
Step 8: Accept their quiet.
Don't let their silence bother you if they seem to want you around but are not saying much.Don't allow your nerves to get the better of you.They may just want your company.You are free to ask questions about how they are feeling.They need to talk about what happened if they are thinking about it a lot.If you run into someone at a social function, don't ask them how they feel.In an environment where you have privacy and can give them your full attention, you should encourage them to talk about how they are feeling.
Step 9: Help with basic needs
Some people will be exhausted or depressed after a traumatic event.They may struggle to complete everyday chores and sleep more than usual.Do a load of laundry or clean up the dishes.This may make them feel pitied, so take care not to do everything.People need to feel like they can take care of themselves even if they need some help.
Step 10: Make plans to move forward.
Ask the person what they are going to do.It is possible that they do not know or are not excited to talk about it.Provide some possible routes that they could take if they would help them do so.Try to do more listening than talking when making recommendations.Suggestions should be based on what they have said.Asking them who they think might help is a good place to start.Stay alert for any signs of emotional distress.Encourage them to get professional help if you have the inclination.The contact information for relevant people and organizations is available.
Step 11: As you approach someone, assess the situation.
If you don't know why someone is upset, first make sure no one is in danger and then try to calm them down.Asking what happened is the best way to get the information you need.To make sure you can approach someone safely, assess the situation first.Look around.Is anyone around who knows what happened able to help?Is there any danger in the area?
Step 12: You can offer to help.
Inform the person that you are there to help.If you don't know the person, introduce yourself and ask if you can join them.If knowledge of your career will comfort a stranger, say something along the lines of, "If it's alright with you, I'm going to sit together for a while."It's a good idea not to give generalized reassurance.It's tempting to say that everything will be okay, but it ignores how the person is feeling in the moment.Someone who is upset may be less willing to receive consolation.
Step 13: What can you do to help?
It is important to know what happened.Try to figure out what has happened with simple questions.Specifics things to look for include any indications that a person may be suffering from more than emotional distress and what the person needs.It is unlikely that you will be able to resolve the situation.If you see to it that they get further help if needed, your focus is on getting them calm.Speak slowly and calmly.Don't whisper or shout.If the person sees you as a threat or acts aggressively towards you, be prepared to back off.Make sure authorities are at a safe distance if either of these occur.
Step 14: Listen, listen.
Listening closely to someone who is upset takes patience and care.It is not appropriate to hold eye contact with someone who is upset.Ideally, sit beside someone.Don't move around and make sure your body language is relaxed.Give non-verbal encouragement by nodding and making affirmative sounds when the other person is speaking.Do not argue with someone who is upset.They might be saying things that don't make sense.Your goal is to consol the person, not having a conversation, and that their brain is likely flooded with emotion.
Step 15: Stay calm, stay calm.
Changes in the person's body chemistry will make them want to fight or flee.They will be sad, but they will also be jumpy, easily irritated, and confused.They may not be able to follow what you are saying.It is important to convey a sense of safety and calmness.Don't argue with the person if they insist on a drastic action.Try to distract them from any course of action that may be unsafe.
Step 16: Use humor cautiously.
When someone is deeply distressed, humor and lightheartedness may not be appropriate.If the suffering person cracks a joke about a funny side effect of something that has happened, join them in their laughter.A moment of respite might help someone calm down in a serious situation.Don't try to lighten up the situation unless you know the person who is upset will appreciate it.
Step 17: Stay with the person until they calm down.
The person may need to calm down if they are not injured or at risk.If someone received traumatizing news or witnessed a traumatic event, they may become upset, but not in danger.An ambulance may be unnecessary in these situations.Provide emotional support until the person is able to speak with you or someone else about what to do.