Dealing with a selfish husband can be lonely.It is not your fault if your husband is acting in a selfish way.He might be working on something that is affecting his behavior.There are ways to encourage more selfish behavior in your husband, such as thanking him when he helps you, and showing your appreciation.Asking open-ended questions and being a good listener may help to reduce selfishness.Simple tricks can help to promote a closer bond.
Step 1: Ask questions that are open-ended.
There are open-ended questions that do not result in a yes or no answer.The person you are speaking with should give a more in-depth answer.Ask your husband open-ended questions to let him know that his thoughts matter to you.Instead of asking "Should I make pork or chicken for dinner tonight?", you could ask, "What would you prefer?"
Step 2: I statements can be used.
A statement that begins with "I" focuses on your perspective rather than blaming the other person.If you phrase your needs this way, he will be less likely to become defensive when you express hurt feelings over something.In a less aggressive way, you can identify the action that hurts your feelings.You might say something like, "I was very worried about you when you didn't come home at your usual time" if your husband came home later than he said he would.If your husband pressures you to have sex when you aren't in the mood, you might say something like, "I feel uncomfortable when he pressures me to do it."We should only have sex when we are in a good mood.
Step 3: Active listening is a good way to practice.
When he is talking to model good listening skills for you, give him your full attention and interest.If you don't want to be distracted, turn off the TV, laptop, and cell phone.Make eye contact with him and face him.To show that you are paying attention, nod and make neutral statements.You can say "yes", "go on," "I see," and "uh-huh" to show you are paying attention.If he says something is unclear, ask for clarification.You could say something like, "What did you mean when you said you were lost and confused?"
Step 4: If you are frustrated, take a break.
Give yourself permission to take a break whenever your husband starts to be selfish.If you can only get away for a few minutes, it may help you to calm down and talk to him again.Take a walk around the neighborhood or go to the bathroom.You could excuse yourself by saying, "I'll be right back."You could say something like, "I need to go to the restroom, so I'm going to take a quick walk around the block and then I will be back."
Step 5: Model your husband's behavior.
If you want your husband to adopt a certain type of behavior, you can model it on him.He may be encouraged to return the favor if he behaves in a selfish manner.You can ask your husband about his day after he gets home from work.He prepared a cup of coffee for him and brought it to him.If he complains of feeling stressed, the offer was to rub his shoulders.
Step 6: Don't respond to his selfish behavior with anger or frustration.
You may want to scold or rebuke your husband if he does something selfish.The situation may get worse if this opens the door for an argument.Take a few deep breaths if he does something that angers you.If he sits down on the couch after dinner and you need his help to clean up, you might say something like, "I know you have had a long day, but would you mind clearing the table for me while I tidy up?"It will take a few minutes, but it would help me a lot.
Step 7: Be kind.
When you are in another person's situation, try to see things from their perspective.You can imagine what your husband is feeling or why he is acting that way.Try to see your husband's side of things.You might say something like, "You're so quiet tonight, I'm concerned about your husband's feelings."I'm glad to see you smiling, what's on your mind?You seem a little sad tonight, good day?By communicating with your husband in this way on a regular basis, he may start to notice your emotions as well and get curious about what you are thinking or feeling.
Step 8: Acknowledge when he does something for others.
Positive reinforcement can help change your husband's behavior.Don't respond to his behavior with anger or frustration.If you take a few deep breaths before you say anything, you can respond in a more positive way, such as saying "Thank you" and identifying why you are thanking him.If your husband loads the dishwasher after dinner, you can say thank you.If you husband takes your car for an oil change, you might say something like, "Thanks for getting the oil changed in my car!"I was not sure how I would fit that into my schedule this week.You are the best.
Step 9: Mention his accomplishments and appearance.
Compliments are a great way to show your husband that you appreciate him, and this may prompt him to start noticing your contributions more.Look for something to compliment your husband on a daily basis.A new haircut is an aspect of your husband's appearance.Say, "I love your new haircut!"It makes you look at your eyes.He accomplished something at work, such as completing a big project.Say, "WOW!"It sounds like you did a great job on that project.Your boss must be happy with you.He has admirable qualities, such as being a good friend.Try saying something like, "You were so kind and supportive yesterday when Joey called about his father passing away."I really like that.
Step 10: Every day, spend some quality time with your husband.
If you are short on time, try to fit in at least 20 minutes of quality time.Sit down to breakfast together before you both head off to work, meet up for a midday lunch date, or cuddle up in bed a little earlier than usual.Every day, do this to strengthen your relationship with your husband.If you only have 10 minutes, use it in a way that is enjoyable for both of you.If nothing else, have a quickie lovemaking or make out session.
Step 11: You can do physical activities with your husband.
A sense that you and your husband are on the same tea can be fostered by exercising together.Simple activities like walking in the same direction can help you both to feel like you are part of a team.Go on a daily walk or do another form of exercise together.Your body's feel-good hormones are released by exercise.It may help your husband to act in a more altruistic way.
Step 12: When on dates, sit side-by-side instead of across from each other.
Sitting across from one another is more formal than this because it promotes team mentality.If you and your husband go out to dinner, try sitting next to each other.If you want a more casual dining experience, you can request a booth in a restaurant, sit next to him on the seat, or sit side-by-side at the restaurant bar.
Step 13: You can increase your physical intimacy by hugging more often.
The hormone that promotes bonding can be increased by getting more hugs from your partner.This can be an effective way to improve your relationship if you and your partner don't hug a lot.Try to get more hugs.You can hug your partner after you wake up in the morning, when you see each other after work, or before bed.Kissing, holding hands, and snuggling are good ways to promote more physical intimacy, so look for ways that you can work these behaviors into daily interactions with your husband.
Step 14: Have a drink with your husband.
Drinking the same amount as your spouse can promote a better relationship.This does not mean that you should start drinking if your spouse is a heavy drinker or if you don't drink at all.If you drink with each other, you may see an improvement in your relationship.If you both enjoy drinking, try to have it at the same time.Share a bottle of wine with your husband on the weekend, or go for a drink during happy hour.
Step 15: Discuss and watch a romantic comedy.
A selfish partner or spouse can be depicted in a romantic comedy.If you watch a romantic comedy with your husband, you may be able to improve your problem-solving skills.Your spouse may be able to learn something from watching a rom-com star make mistakes.Pick a romantic comedy that interests you both and watch it on a video streaming service.If rom-coms aren't your thing, watch something in a genre you both enjoy and discuss it afterwards.I was so frustrated by the way the main character treated his girlfriend that I wanted to say something about it.Even though he got better, he was still a jerk.What do you think about that?