It can be difficult to discipline your kids when you are divorced.It is important to stay in touch with your ex.Guidelines and expectations of appropriate behavior for your children can be developed with your ex and applied uniformly in your households.Before the divorce, try to keep as many of the rules as possible.Let your child know the consequences if they fail to fulfill your behavioral expectations.If you follow through with the consequences your kids expect, you will be fair.
Step 1: The rules should be relatively stable.
Children can be affected by a divorce.If you introduce a bunch of new rules after a divorce, you will only add to their stress, confusion, and unhappiness.Carry over as many of the rules as possible after your divorce is finalized.If you decide to change a rule, make sure you evaluate your reasons for doing so.If you decide to change the time of bed for your child because they are getting older, you should consider whether you are doing it to be a cool parent or not.
Step 2: When developing rules with an ex, be flexible.
You and your ex might not agree on some things.Many parents who aren't divorced disagree on the rules for their kids.There is a difference between an important rule like no playing near the street by yourself and a trivial rule.Let your ex know that you expect them to follow the more serious rules.You can compromise on rules that don't affect your child's health.
Step 3: Discipline can be applied between households.
If you allow your kids to do things that your ex doesn't allow, they will resent the parent who restricts their freedom.It's important to be consistent between households to avoid confusion.It's a good idea to talk to your ex about specific rules for your kids.Ask your ex if they have any rules of their own.If you agree, listen to their ideas and implement them in your own home.
Step 4: Discipline between households.
It's important that your expectations and privileges are the same for your kids no matter where they are.If your ex brings your kids back in the evening and says he or she will let them stay up a bit later because they helped clean up the house, you should honor that.If your ex tells you that your child has been naughty and is not allowed to watch tv for the rest of the day, let them know that their behavior has consequences in your house as well.
Step 5: Consistency is a must within your household.
It is easy to accept a child's complaints.If you do, your kids will push you for more flexibility on the rules.You don't want to be in a situation where they are in control.When applying the rules and administering discipline, be firm, clear, and consistent.Whether you want to make them happy or just want them to stop nagging, you will have moments of weakness and give in to their child.Let your kids know that you are making a special exception, and limit these occasions as much as possible.They should not expect you to agree to stay up late or watch an extra hour of TV every time they ask for it.Make sure that the things you give in are acceptable.If you have a "no soda" rule, then allowing your child to drink a cola on the weekend might be acceptable.Allowing your child to skip their homework is not something you should give in to.
Step 6: Your relationship with your ex should be positive.
Kids will notice if you and your ex are tense around each other or not on good terms.If you criticize your ex to your kids, they will notice.The relationship between you and your ex could get worse if they repeat these criticisms.It can be difficult to coordinate child care when you don't get along with your ex.If you find your ex repulsive, don't spend a lot of time with them.Wait until your kids are out of earshot to call them if you need to.Even if your ex isn't polite to you, always be polite.
Step 7: There are regular family meetings.
It is important to have regular conversations with your children after a divorce.Share your point of view about their performance at school and home during these meetings.Use the meeting to reiterate your rules and expectations if your child has been undisciplined.They should be reminded of the consequences if they have not met your expectations.If your child hasn't been doing homework, you can take away their phone privileges for a few days.You should include your partner in the conversation if you've remarried.Family meetings should be shorter.Five to ten minutes is usually enough time for you and your child to communicate.A great way to integrate regular meetings into your family schedule is to have them at the same time each week and then have fun afterwards.
Step 8: Don't make your kids feel bad because you are flexing the rules.
Your kids will let you know if you and your ex don't agree on certain rules.Don't rise to the bait if they challenge a certain house rule on the grounds that "But Dad/ Mom lets me!"Reaffirm your rules by saying that this is not their house.Explain to your child that the rules are different in this house because you and your ex have different opinions.You can use these opportunities to remind your child of the consequences of disobedience.
Step 9: Do you know what your children say?
Kids can be deceptive.If they try to convince you to change a rule based on something that your ex supposedly does, be sure to follow up with him.Let your kids know that you intend to do so by saying, for instance, "At your dad's house, you're allowed to eat all the candy you want?"When your kids report that their friends' parents allow them to do things that you don't approve of, you should follow up.If your kids aren't acting right at their friends' houses, you may want to rethink allowing them over there.
Step 10: Don't make your ex the bad guy.
If your ex wants you to implement a rule that they feel strongly about, you should include it in your household rules.If you neglect to enforce the rules that your ex wants you to, he will gain points with your kids and you will snub him.This could cause them to do the same thing to you and your kids.Doing this will hurt your kids because they will end up with less guidance and authority in their lives.
Step 11: Provide visual reminders.
Use a calendar, erasable marker chart, or apps to remind your kids to stay disciplined.The front of the fridge is a good place to put the calendar or board because your kids will always see it.Reminders can be used to remind your kids of their responsibilities.When your child comes home, you might write a few chores on the calendar so that they can check it and know what is expected of them.In order to help your child maintain proper discipline, you could send an email or text message to them directly.
Step 12: Understand why your children are acting out.
Children can be mean to their siblings, peers or caretakers after a divorce.You need to understand why the child is acting the way they are in order to respond appropriately.Children who are not divorced might engage in these behaviors as well.When disciplining a child as a divorced parent, it is important to consider the divorce as an underlying cause of bad behavior.The trauma of the divorce may cause a previously good child to start engaging in negative behavior.If your child is hesitant to talk to you, you may need to call for help.Have your child see a therapist.Child therapists are trained in psychology and can help your child explore his or her feelings and discover the causes of their behavior.
Step 13: Use age-appropriate punishments.
Children's understanding of what is right and wrong becomes more complex as they grow.Different sets of punishments should be given to kids of different ages.For toddlers and kindergarteners, calmly saying "No" followed by a timeout is usually effective.There is a loss of privileges for older children.Let your kids know that with their new privileges come new responsibilities and consequences as they get older.Let your child know that if they are cyberbullied they will lose their phone privileges.When you're angry, don't give out unrealistic punishments.If you say that you will never play that game again and then allow your child to play it, they will take it less seriously.Don't use physical violence on your child.If your child is taught that physical violence is an acceptable way to work through conflict, they will be less likely to develop anger later in life.The trust and bond between you can be damaged if you use physical violence against your child.
Step 14: You should be honest about your feelings.
Divorcees tend to project their feelings onto their children, or take the stress of a divorce out on them.You could discipline your child for doing something similar to what their other parent says, or for saying something in a way that their parent may have said it.You might be hard on your child in order to express resentment towards your ex.For instance, if you discipline your child for vague violations like their "tone of voice" or "attitude", step back and examine exactly what you mean by that.If your child doesn't understand why they're being punished, that's a big red flag.Discipline should be based on clear rules and expectations.Professional help is available if you are having difficulty confronting your emotions about the divorce.You can work through your issues with a therapist.
Step 15: Take your ex's parenting style into account.
If your ex is proposing a punishment, try to separate the proposal from him.Imagine if your mother or neighbor watched your children and reacted the same way your ex did.What would you think?What would you say to them?You should accept when your ex does it if you can imagine someone else doing it.If you and your ex end things on a bad note, substituting another person for them can help you stay objective about whether they are a good parent or not.