Re-lighting the flame with a divorced spouse is more common than you think.Make this new relationship work again by learning how to do it right the second time.
Step 1: For the right reasons, do it.
Sex is not the reason you are together.Or the kids.Money considerations.
Step 2: Don't bring up old grievances.
If the relationship is going to work out, there is plenty of time to talk about it in front of a professional.Enjoy each other for now.
Step 3: Date like you don't know anyone.
Don't be too familiar with each other.Just like you would be with anyone you are trying to get to know, be respectful, kind, and thoughtful.
Step 4: Have fun.
The time is right for you to do things that you wouldn't have done if you'd been married.Try new places.Take a chance.Walk by the water.Hike in the mountains.Couples don't have much fun in marriages.It's important to introduce a lot of good times, hard laughing, silly moments, and enjoy each other.
Step 5: Do it on your own.
Don't go out with your friends or children alone.When the two of you decide to try again, include time alone in a public place, as well as in your home.
Step 6: Sexual intercourse should be stopped for as long as possible.
If you're a teenager, explore all the wonderful ways to be intimate with one another that doesn't result in a baby being born.Make it last by focusing on arousal, not orgasm.
Step 7: Agree on when you will let your friends and family know that you are back.
When one of you tells everyone that you're getting back together, it can cause hard feelings.Agree when you'll make it official.
Step 8: Get marriage counseling.
It failed for a reason.You may have realized that reason when it showed up in other relationships.Learn how to have a happy marriage.New ways to interact with each other are taught in evidence-based treatment for marital distress.You should learn these new ways and apply them in your relationship.
Step 9: After a lot of discussion, move in.
Many people recognize that their first date wasn't thoughtful or slow enough.Don't assume that moving in is not a real commitment.Take it slowly.
Step 10: Set a date if you want to re-marry.
Do not assume that this time doesn't count because you already were married.Pick out a dress that doesn't have to be white or fancy, go to couples counseling, and invite whoever you want to the wedding.It is important that you are acknowledged by the community.This shouldn't be an after-thought.You should be serious about re-marrying your ex as you were the first time.
Step 11: A honeymoon is planned.
Even if this is a repeat, you are building memories of your early years.Make your honeymoon memorable by being deliberate in where you go, what types of things you do, and don't do.
Step 12: Get help right away if you pay attention to the old fighting styles.
You are getting back together and there are lots of opportunities to argue.There is conflict in successful marriages.This isn't the problem.The problem comes when the conflict escalates.Fight in a way that is respectful, keeps things in perspective, and avoids name-calling, defensiveness, criticism or stonewalling.Don't let your fights get you down, but keep a sense of humor.Help to learn how if you can't.
Step 13: Make a vow to make this marriage your last.
A vital pillar of relationships is commitment.The benefits of being with this person outweigh the drawbacks.There are benefits and drawbacks to relationships.It's important to remind yourself how lucky you are.Don't use the "d" word again, no matter how angry you become.Put this relationship ahead of everyone else.