How To Handle Disagreements with Your Spouse About Discipline Style
Stress in your relationship and home can be caused by arguments about how to discipline your children.It's important for both spouses to work together to resolve conflicts and come up with acceptable parenting decisions.It's possible to handle discipline disagreements with your spouse by talking it out, compromising with each other, and remembering to keep your kids first.
Step 1: Stay respectful.
No matter what your spouse says, you are going to remain respectful.Ask them to do the same thing.Your disagreement is likely to have you seeing red.Adding fuel to the fire is not something you want to do.I know we have a difference of opinion.If you feel the conversation is heading down a destructive path, gently remind your spouse to remain kind.You are not ready to have the conversation if you can't do this.When you are in control of your emotions, ask for some time to cool off and collect your thoughts.Agree on a time limit and set a timer for each of you so that you don't interrupt each other.You each have the same amount of time to speak and express your feelings.If you can't have a respectful conversation, you could try writing letters to each other.You would write down your feelings and opinions and send them to each other.You can talk about them later.
Step 2: Use "I" statements.
When trying to come to an agreement, don't blame your spouse.It seems like you're saying that it's all their fault if you start with "you".It is possible to get your point across while still having a respectful conversation.You could say, "I felt hurt when you chose that type of discipline when I don't agree with it."
Step 3: Don't let the facts get in the way of sticking to them.
When talking to your spouse, don't make assumptions about what the other person is thinking or trying to accomplish.You can see things from their perspective if they explain themselves.Don't say, "You disciplined our child that way even though you knew it would upset me."
Step 4: You should consult with a counselor.
If you and your spouse can't come to an agreement, a counselor can help.If you find that your upbringing is preventing you from being the type of parent you want to be, you should speak to a therapist.You could say, "I think going to a counselor is a good idea if you experience hesitation from your spouse."We can't come to an agreement ourselves, and a professional may be able to give us the insight and suggestions we need in order to understand each otherIf your spouse has reservations about the counselor, suggest that you pick your own.You should not go to see a counselor you already use, as your spouse may feel that they are biased towards you.
Step 5: Pick out your non-negotiables.
When it comes to your discipline style, you probably have a few statutes that you hold dear.Your spouse probably does too.Pick a few and then have your spouse do the same.You will not argue about these.It is okay to have a few non-negotiables, but you must be flexible in other areas.You are going to make some concessions if you compromise.You may want to have a no spanking rule.Your spouse might think withholding works best.Choose one or two methods of discipline that you feel the strongest about and work together to make sure both of your wishes are granted.
Step 6: A mutual plan is created.
When it is time for discipline, having a plan in place for certain behaviors can stop you from disagreeing.You can maintain a united front by discussing how you want to resolve the problem.When it's time to take action, it can prevent arguments between you and your spouse.Talking back, getting bad grades, fighting with siblings, and staying out past curfew are some of the common misbehaviors discussed.Attempt to come up with a punishment that you both approve of.
Step 7: Take turns.
If you want to try your spouse's way of disciplining, suggest that you do it for a month.You can try what you believe will work if you take turns.It can help you find a style that works with your child.You could say, "Let's try my way of grounding this time."Next time, we can try your method of taking away electronics.Maybe we will settle on the best option.
Step 8: If their way works out, please praise them.
If the child responds the best to it, tell your spouse that they did a good job.Don't give a compliment if your idea was not the most successful.Supporting your spouse may strengthen your relationship as well.You could say, "It looks like your way was the best way."Your spouse will likely appreciate your courtesy and humility.
Step 9: Don't overcompensate for your partner's parenting style.
One parent may go too far on treats because they think the other parent is too strict.Sometimes one parent will become hyper-militant in their parenting because they think the other parent has no structure.Their relationship with their child is damaged by this.You should compromise in a way that allows you and your spouse to carry equal weight.
Step 10: Consider what is right for the child.
If you get caught up in wanting to win the fight, you will forget what is best for your child.The child's age and temperament should be considered when choosing a discipline style.If you want to know what expectations are realistic, head to the library or seek help from a mental health professional.You might think that using a time out is the most effective type of discipline style.Your child will be more upset and ill-behaved if they scream and cry the entire time.They are too young to take a time out approach.If you are holding onto the method because you want to prove you're right, ask yourself if the time out is actually working.Maybe it is time to consider a different tactic.
Step 11: A united front is maintained.
Maintaining a united front is one of the most effective ways of parenting.It can make your kids feel uneasy if you show them that you don't agree with them.They may be able to take advantage of the weakness between you and your spouse.Your child may think that you can't decide what punishment works best for them.They test you for bad behavior.They think you may not do anything because you can't agree on what to do.Don't finish the argument until the kids are gone.
Step 12: You shouldn't criticize your spouse's technique in front of the kids.
It is possible for your spouse to deliver a punishment in the heat of the moment without discussing it with you.If you're upset, don't tell your spouse about the bad idea in front of the kids.It will start an argument and show the kids that you aren't on solid ground, which can be frightening for them.Talk to your spouse about it afterwards.Say you wish they would have consulted you before issuing the punishment.As parenting is a full-time, ever-changing job and mistakes are going to be made when anyone is thinking on their feet, try to find some sympathy for your spouse.You want them to give you the same courtesy.