Being easily offended is hard to overcome.It indicates poor understanding of one's own emotions in favor of trying to change the behavior of others.Since we're all autonomously beings, we only have the ability to change ourselves.A commitment to changing oneself rather than trying to force the changes we want to see on others is a valuable choice.
Step 1: The offense taker is your role.
Taking offense is a choice.The focus of change should be our reactions to offensive things.If you don't know whether or not you are easily offended, take this test.How has taking offense shaped you?Do you expect to be offended a lot?Do you find it hard to trust others?Taking offense is a hard-wired part of your personality, so don't think that you're a sensitive person.Most people are sensitive to outside influence.Taking others' actions personally is different from sensitivity.
Step 2: You should ask yourself what you are responding to.
Being easily triggered involves letting a lot of one's own assumptions about color perception of others.Unless the world really revolves around you, it is just an assumption that others are acting out of hatred or disdain for you.Where do these assumptions come from?Take a look at your relationship with yourself.The easily bruised egos that result from feeling vulnerable and defensive usually mask fundamental insecurities and distrust of self.Are you finding offensive comments or slights inside of you in the world?People are not being purposely malicious toward you just because you have an intense experience of your feelings.Even if they wanted to harm sensitive people, others can't tell when they are highly sensitive.
Step 3: The influence of your past can be questioned.
Seeing a behavior or hearing a phrase that reminds us of a negative past experience is a major cause of taking offense.We make associations between certain actions and our hurt feelings at the time.Even if the person is doing nothing wrong, just seeing the action may make us feel bad.It is important to remember that even if an action carries a particular meaning at a certain point, it doesn't mean that it will always be the same in the future.When you were a child, a school teacher scolded you for wearing a revealing shirt to school, making you feel frightened and ashamed.You could take offense to her suggestion that you bring a sweater to wear over your halter top, but you don't know why.
Step 4: The role of your ideals should be recognized.
Humans have basic emotional needs to feel connected, safe, and attended to.The expectation that other people will support our needs is something that many of us have.While this expectation helps us feel safe and trusting of others, it can backfire and create unrealistic ideals about how we should be treated.Growing older involves being more responsible for our own needs.The fulfillment of emotional needs requires better balance between yourself and others when working on this issue.Do you want others to conform to your ideal way of being treated or do you prefer to manage your emotional needs?
Step 5: You should separate your feelings from the social rules.
It's easy to get offended if you see a socially acceptable opportunity.We know that talking in a library is against the rules.Taking offense to the talking in a magazine can serve as a way to get your attention.If someone says something potentially offensive, ask if you really feel burned because their take is important to you.You might be martyring yourself to illuminate a faux pas or rude remark just for the hell of it--out of self-righteousness or a desire to control who says what.
Step 6: Put out your values.
Since there are appropriate times to make an issue of something, it's a good idea to journal about your values.This will allow you to know what is worth raising a fuss about and what isn't.Having a stronger sense of your values will make you feel less threatened.People's opinions are less important when they trust their values.
Step 7: Don't talk with yourself.
Habitual ways of acting are difficult to break.It is possible to use yourself as a starting point to consider alternative ways of thinking."Everyone is doing the best they can to be compassionate" or "If each person doesn't prioritize her own needs, who will?" are some of the things you might say to yourself.
Step 8: Stay calm.
Allow time to pass before you respond to someone.It has become an automatic response for you if you are easily offended.There is no time between being offended and being hurt.Pause and ask yourself if you want to take offense.Count to ten in your head if the emotions are too high.Learning and practicing will make this step easy.Learning how to detach from strong emotions is part of Mindfulness.One way to meditate is to focus on your breath.You gain a stronger connection to your feelings when you experience the sensation of your breath coming and going.
Step 9: Allow the possible offense to go if you acknowledge it.
You don't need to try to shut out your thoughts when you let go of a response like taking offense.Listen to what your mind is telling you.It is possible to determine if you should make a scene or purse the offense.If someone tells you that your haircut isn't the best for you, you'll be screaming.Listen to the anger and feel the urge to hit her.You can see that as one of many ways that you could respond.It is important to see how angry you are so that you can make a decision.Since humor in your state might not be perceived as humor at all, you may not want to respond humorously.
Step 10: Don't pass judgement.
Anything can be turned into an offense if we are certain of our interpretation of what a person means.There are many different interpretations of great works of art.Each interpretation has the power to make us feel different.Imagine if you were told by your acquaintances that they decided to stay in instead of going to an event with you.He thinks you make bad choices about what events to attend, so you may be tempted to make the snap judgement that the person could only have done that.Resisting this judgment requires an open mind that is willing to ask "what might this have been about that I am not taking into consideration at this moment?"
Step 11: You can search for alternative meanings.
Even though you see and experience a lot of different things from people, they are not tailored to you.It is okay if you don't get to the bottom of why someone did something.To see that taking offense too easily is not good for everyone is the point.There are many reasons why someone wouldn't want to leave the house if you invited them.He could have just received bad news, be feeling down, or just treasure his alone time, which of course has nothing to do with you.
Step 12: Know your energy level.
Mild offenses are less likely to be forgiven when we are full of energy.We are looking for new material in the world to "pounce on" or attend to because, well, we can!Habitual offense taking spring up and draining energy that could be put to better use is not a good idea.
Step 13: Thank you with grace.
You can respond many different ways after someone says or does something that doesn't sit well with you.The conversation could be re-routed.It's time to let the matter drop and find a new focus.If you feel that attempting to clear up the matter would just create more opportunities to be offended, this is a good option.Throw your whole self back into the equation if you aren't quite at the point of being able to laugh off potential offenses.Ask for clarification.If you find a comment offensive or rude, ask the person to clarify what they mean.They may have misstated what they meant.Say, "I'm not sure I understood you, can you make that comment another way?"
Step 14: Consider the outcomes.
Think about the consequences before reacting to a slight.One consequence of taking offense is that people may begin to walk on eggshells around you or feel a little nervous discussing their thoughts or feelings.Even if you see other benefits to taking offense, you are keeping yourself in a place of increased tension and anxiety that is harmful to your body.You're also blocking yourself.
Step 15: Positive self-talk is good.
Try to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones.The direct cause of flying into offense mode is when we let negative thoughts stew in our minds.Let go of situations that you are tempted to take offense to.Making an investment in sadness is likeminating over negative feelings.You don't need to re-live moments of fleeting discomfort because your time is valuable.
Step 16: Have a look at past situations.
Journaling about some of your most memorable moments of victimhood will help you understand situations that offend you.List as many incidents as possible.Think about how you felt and why you took offense.Don't assume that the offense requires no explanation.If anyone would take offense at the same thing, you should write why you were offended.Write the moments down as if you are a journalist.Write about what an outside observer saw instead of writing about how you feel.
Step 17: Look for patterns.
Is there anything you notice?Does a particular way of being treated make you angry?There are deeper reasons you were offended.Say you are offended by someone explaining something to you that you already know.Maybe you're offended because the person doesn't see your smarts.Does it make sense for this person to spend their time keeping track of what they know and don't know?These patterns are what make you angry.The moment is ideal for trying out other responses when something like this happens to you.
Step 18: Think about the thoughts that justify taking offense.
Our actions and beliefs are usually rationalized by our thoughts.What thoughts do you have about what should and shouldn't be the case?What makes you think it's a proper response?Someone doesn't bring a gift at your house-warming party."Bringing a gift is the only way to show warmth" is a thought that might support taking offense.Regardless of other financial obligations, a gift for me should be this person's priority.I need to be supported and loved by others.
Step 19: Privilege yourself over the criminal.
We can either work on our own reactions or try to get others to change their behavior.It's difficult to change others because they are always changing, and we don't know how many are out there.Trying to change others amounts to controlling them.There are ethical issues.You can handle more of the world with ease if you work on your reactions.Taking the high road is beneficial to your ability to cope with everyday life.