There are disagreements in every relationship.You and your boyfriend may disagree about money, how much time to spend together, and other aspects of your relationship.It's always a good idea to address issues that are important to you.To find a solution that works for you both, have a sit down talk with your boyfriend and be willing to compromise.
Step 1: Decide if an issue is worth discussing.
There are disagreements that are important.Some of them are fairly minor.Decide how much it hurts if you disagree with your boyfriend.Major disagreements should be discussed, even if minor differences can be let go of.It is possible to let an issue go for a few days and see how you feel.You get upset because your boyfriend didn't ask you to join him at the movie.Don't talk things through immediately, wait a few days.This may be a minor issue for you if you find your anger fades.You may want to let it go.Talk things out if you still feel rejected after a few days.
Step 2: Do you know what the real issue is?
There is more than meets the eye if an issue keeps bothering you.It's not just what your boyfriend did, but how it made you feel.If you think about why something bothered you on a deeper level, you'll see that small disagreements can point to problems in the dynamic of the relationship.Think about why your boyfriend went out without you.Is there anything missing in your relationship that made you take this slight very personally?Minor disagreements are the result of not being valued.It is possible that you become upset over a movie because you feel taken for granted by your boyfriend.You might want to talk about why your emotional needs are not being met.
Step 3: Do you want to talk to your boyfriend?
Don't go into the conversation without knowing what you want.It's a good idea to think about what you want your boyfriend to understand before trying to talk things out.What points do you want your boyfriend to take away?Think about what you're trying to convey.You want your boyfriend to appreciate you more.You have to think about how to deliver that message.It's a good idea to plan what you're going to say.What do you want to get out of the conversation?Do you want your boyfriend to change his personality?Do you want him to understand your point of view?Don't move forward with the conversation if you know this.
Step 4: It's a good idea to have a time to talk.
It's a good idea to plan ahead.Let your boyfriend know that you want to discuss something.You need to plan a time that works for you both.You should choose a time when you will both be relaxed and willing to listen.Don't talk after work or school if you're likely to be stressed, or when you have outside commitments.When you both have a lot of free time, choose a time to talk when you are willing to listen.When your boyfriend doesn't have work, you can talk on a Saturday afternoon.
Step 5: Start with a soft approach.
You don't want to make a confrontation sound accusatory or angry.It's best to start with a soft approach.This will make your boyfriend more willing to listen.Do not say, "I don't like that you went to see that movie without even inviting me, even though you knew I wanted to watch it."Say something nice.I'm glad you have a strong friends group.It's nice to see that you have fun.I want you to enjoy yourself."But I just wish I felt more included sometimes, and I was hurt that you went to see that movie without inviting me."
Step 6: Phrases are used in "I" language.
You want to resolve this issue and not argue about it.Using statements that begin with "I" reduces blame.You aren't blaming your boyfriend or judging his behavior.You are saying how the behavior made you feel.When you spend more time with your friends than me, I feel left out."You spend too much time with your friends so I'm left out all the time."
Step 7: Listen to his point of view.
Conflicts always involve two people.Your boyfriend might have had reasons for acting the way he did.Don't interrupt your boyfriend to listen to your case.Make sure he is heard.Don't talk about solution while your boyfriend is talking.Before you try to correct the situation, you should listen to his point of view.It can be helpful to repeat what he's saying.You feel like you should be spending time with your friends.Is that what you're talking about?
Step 8: Be reasonable with your expectations.
Compromise and mutual understanding are what relationships are about.You need to make sure your expectations are reasonable, because your boyfriend should value your feelings and make necessary changes.When discussing possible solutions, be willing to compromise.People argue about how much time they should spend together.You shouldn't expect your boyfriend to spend all his time with you.There are some requests you can make to your boyfriend.If the time you spent together was more meaningful, you would feel more valued and need less time together.He could be asked to be more present when you hang out by, for example, putting away his phone and focusing on you.
Step 9: Discuss the positives of your relationship.
Try to end the disagreement on a positive note.You both leave feeling valued if you state the things you appreciate about your boyfriend.Say thank you for listening.I brought it up because I love spending time with you.I don't want anything to make people angry.
Step 10: It may be uncomfortable to accept things.
It's normal to be uncomfortable after a disagreement.It is not possible to be happy all the time.Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling after a disagreement.It is better to process your emotions than to ignore them.You need time to let go of any angry feelings you had during the argument, even if you feel good about the discussion.
Step 11: Common goals can be found.
Identifying your goals for the relationship can be used to resolve disputes.How can you pursue what you want?Think about what you want.You should find goals for both of you.You both may want to work on valuing each other more.Think about how to achieve this.It's possible to spend more time together, turn your phones off during dates, and find other ways to make one another feel valued.
Step 12: Proceed with confidence.
It can be hard to have a dispute.Look at the bright side.You decided to work things out.Both of you have voiced your opinions.Your relationship is likely to be stronger in the future.