Families can be very difficult and family problems are very painful, and most of us have been there.Family problems can be solved and peace restored.Life is too short to waste time with people who are negative towards you.A big difference can be made by the way you approach the family member.
Step 1: Don't talk about this problem until you're not angry.
Around holidays and family-centered times, family problems can be very painful.Waiting until everyone is calm can help keep the argument from getting out of hand.Don't talk about the family problem when you're still upset.Even if you're still unhappy, the intensity of the emotion is likely to diminish even if it's only a single night.Waiting allows you to approach the issue logically.You won't deal with the issue so quickly if you take a step back and give yourself some time to think.When you are angry, approaching someone will intensify the situation.Control your instant impulse because there's no reason you can't make your point tomorrow.
Step 2: Family problems can be solved in person.
We've all been there and sent off a text or email that we wish we could take back.Trying to address a family problem by email is not the best option.Your ability, awareness, and inclination to filter are improved by in-person discussions.Tone can be misinterpreted by electronic communication.You might think you are not angry, but you might be.Pick up the phone or arrange a meeting instead of texting.Body language can be lost due to electronic communication, which can reduce the sting of a painful conversation.People use electronic communication to say things they wouldn't say to another person's face.
Step 3: Accept everyone's fault, including your own.
They say you can choose your friends, but not your family.It could cause you more pain down the road if you cut people out.Understanding that family members have flaws, but you can still love them, is the first step in addressing longstanding problems.It can be a reflection of themselves rather than you if you try to understand why they act the way they do.Accept your own fault as well.Accept blame when you are to blame.Don't see family issues as equations where someone is wrong and someone else is right.Try and see the gray areas.They are exciting!It is possible to be the first person to apologize even if you don't think you did anything wrong.I am sorry, but I can see you are upset, and this has been hard for me as well.If the family member continues the feud, you can say you took the high road.
Step 4: Don't play the blame game.
When you talk to your family, keep your language positive.Don't use language that makes you feel bad about your family members.There is a vicious cycle ofativity.Judgement words or name calling of a family member is avoided.It means avoiding words that are accusatory.Blaming other people will make them defensive and prone to counter attack, making the argument worse.The argument about the family problem should not be won.Accept that there are more than one way to see the point.A plan is needed to solve the problem together.Eliminate anything that could serve as a "trigger" and organize activities where you can have fun together.There are new ways of relating to your family members.Don't be upset, keep your tone and voice calm.Explain your points calmly and with respect for the other person.If you can, put yourself in the family member's shoes.Throw out conciliatory comments, like, "I see your point", to try and cool down the argument.
Step 5: If any family members have hurt you, please forgive them.
It can be difficult to achieve this.It's hard to forgive someone we think has hurt us.It can run even deeper with family members.Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the corrosive nature of the dispute.Giving the family member is about letting go of the past so you can build a healthier future.If the family member has admitted responsibility for the problem, you should forgive them.Say this with compassion.It's going to go a long way.Every human is imperfect and needs forgiveness at one time or another.At some point, that will include you.
Step 6: The real problem needs to be identified.
Try to understand what's going on.You may have been hiding health problems or personal problems from your family.Maybe you are grieving over the death of a loved one.This will allow you to better address the issue at hand.You might need to do some self-analysis here.I don't know why I'm hiding my issue from my family.Why am I so upset?You might be worried about how your mother is spending your money.You may be concerned because you don't have enough money to support her, as you do not have the means to do so.Don't assume what other people are thinking.To find out what they are thinking, you need to talk to them.Gossiping about other people in the family will make it worse, so don't do it.The focus should be on causes, not symptoms.A trusted family member, such as a parent or another sibling, might be able to help you figure out what is really going on, so it is okay to talk to them in a way that is sincere and designed to solve or address the issue.
Step 7: Asking questions will draw out the family member.
Asking questions is a good way to dig out the root causes of family problems.Statements can make people feel judged.Asking questions can draw out what's bothering the person.The family member feels like he or she is not being condemned by the questions.Ask the other family member how they can make the situation better.Let's say that your sister has been away from you recently and not invited you out for coffee like she used to.We haven't seen each other as much as we used to.Why do you think that's the case?You could try to address your mother's spending habits by saying, "I've noticed that you have been spending more money on clothing lately."Are you responsible with money?The questions should be open-ended so that the other person can elaborate.Listen to what a family member has to say.
Step 8: A line of communication can be opened.
A lot of family problems are caused by poor communication.Shutting out a family member can be a big problem.It is difficult to solve a family problem if you are not talking.No matter how hard it is, be the person who reaches out first.An older family member might be asked to intervene and set up a meeting or talk to the other family members first.You have to set aside your pride in order to open the line of communication.It takes a big person to tackle the problem.As the coldness grows between you, ignoring the problem will only make it worse.It is better to express how you feel at the right time.It is not a good idea to bring up a family problem at the Thanksgiving dinner table.Don't have a tough family conversation if you are drinking.Alcohol can fuel emotions in a lot of people, even when used in moderation, and that is usually not the best thing when trying to have a difficult family conversation.
Step 9: Family problems need to be discussed.
There is a family problem that needs to be addressed.There are clear signs of family and relationship problems that have gotten out of control and need to be discussed, including frequent arguing, disagreements, angry outburst, avoidance of others, ostracizing of some family members and, in the worst cases, physical conflicts.Some family problems can be caused by differences of opinion.It's possible that parents and children won't be able to agree on lifestyle choices.Substance abuse, mental health problems, bully, lack of trust, change in family circumstances, stress, sexuality-related issues, and jealousy are some of the family problems.
Step 10: You should try to reach a compromise.
Compromising means that you come up with a solution that both people can be happy with.A compromise is a good way to resolve a dispute.The first step is to find out if the problem can be solved.It depends on what has already been done to solve the problem.It may be different if you have tried and tried to get the same result.Take into account the points of common ground you have with the other person and what points you would be willing to give up.You are less likely to make headway in the dispute if you don't give in.One way to compromise is for both people in the dispute to sit down and draw circles that relate to the family problem.Write down everything you won't compromise on in the first circle.Write down the areas you are willing to bend in the outer circle.You should share the circles.
Step 11: Discuss family issues one-on-one.
Some families don't function well as a group.We've all been in groups where there's a negative dynamic.This comes out when everyone is together.If you want to figure out who the conflict is between, don't talk about it at holiday gatherings or a big family dinner.No one likes to be forced to take a side, so if it's between you and one other family member, the rest of the family may feel very uncomfortable being dragged into it.Ask the family member in question to meet you for lunch or coffee.Talking one-on-one in a neutral space is a better way to deal with grievances.People will say things they wouldn't say in a group.Don't try to talk to the family member when you're distracted, working on a big work project, fielding a bunch of phone calls, or the like.Put everything aside to focus on the issue.
Step 12: There is a family council.
A lot of disputes can be handled one-on-one, but there are times when you would want the entire family to address a problem.If the problem affects the entire family, then this approach is best.Maybe the family problem involves a job loss, disability, or money problems.Everyone feels like they're doing something useful when the family comes up with ideas to solve the problem.The family council can be used to develop a strategy to move the family in a positive way.One is usually better at tackling a problem than more minds are.It is important that one family member does not dominate the discussion and that name calling is checked at the door.
Step 13: Send a letter to a family member.
When addressing tough situations, a handwritten letter can go a long way.It's more personal when you write it.It shows that you cared about the letter and thought about it.The other family members will realize that you are trying.Some people communicate better on the phone than in person.A letter may be the way to go if you are one of those people.Explain how you feel and why you want to address the family issue in the letter.If you use the word "I" more than "you" in the letter, you will be stating your perspective and not blaming or speaking for anyone else.Explain how the problem is affecting you, but also explain how you would like it to be solved.
Step 14: There is a family problem.
Sometimes family problems can be caused by your children acting disrespectfully, arguing with siblings, or not doing their chores.If the child is young, you may want to deal with the issue differently.In front of the child, place the problem.Give a clear explanation of the problem.You could say, "We have noticed that you don't get out of bed easily, making you late for school a lot."We need to solve this problem.Don't be angry.Ask the child to solve the problem.Tell the child to come up with a plan to solve the problem.Positive reinforcement can be given if the child makes progress on the problem.The real reasons for the problem should be dug out.Is it hard to wake up when the child is on social media too late?Do not play favorites with children.Let the child know that you want to solve the problem because you care about them and want things to be better.
Step 15: The boundaries should be established.
There is nothing wrong with setting limits if family members are causing harm to you or causing constant drama in your life.This can be a healthy thing to do.The question to ask yourself is whether the family member has brought negatives into your life, draining you emotionally, stealing from you financially, undermining you, or any number of bad behaviors.You have a right to protect yourself.When you see a negative family member at a family event, you treat them with respect.Maybe you have decided not to visit with them one-on-one or lend them money.This is something you have the right to do.Explain the boundaries to a loved one in a warm and loving way.Be firm.If you can't stay at a family member's house because of fights, you will stay in a nearby hotel.
Step 16: It is time to step back.
Family problems can't be fixed.Family problems can take a long time to solve.It is better for you to cut the family member out of your life now, as it is sad to admit.Some family problems, like grief over a loved one or a parents inability to accept you for who you are, may not have solutions.To no avail, you may need to accept that you have tried your best to communicate with your family.It is possible that you need to move on from the issue and live your life the best you can.If a family problem involves physical or sexual abuse, you should consider cutting the family member out of your life.You or others should not tolerate abuse.Abuse situations should be reported to the police or child protective services.There are serious substance abuse issues that impact your life.If they refuse to help you, you might have to cut them out for your own peace of mind.
Step 17: Seek help.
It's not for everyone, but some family problems can only be solved by a professional.It's worth a try if nothing else has worked, and there is nothing to be ashamed of if you seek help.Maybe you could go on your own if the family member doesn't go to counseling.A professional therapist can help you figure out how to deal with a family member.Some people can benefit from reading books on relationships and joining a support group.If the family problem is caused by issues like mental illness or substance abuse, a professional may be the only way to start healing.Some problems are too complex for you to solve on your own.A counselor can help by being neutral on the problem.The professional might suggest that you don't think of some aspects of the conflict because you are too close to it.