Sometimes conflict can push a relationship into a state where there is less love and more pain.Changing how we deal with disagreements can make a difference.Learning to be more open, accepting, and understanding towards yourself and your boyfriend is an important step towards improving your connection.
Step 1: What do you usually fight over?
Major issues, like jealousy, infidelity, or commitment, may be minor things.The arguments are often about something below the surface.The things we argue about can be used as an excuse to vent our frustration.
Step 2: Other factors may be involved in your fights.
Alcohol, physical or emotional fatigue, and stress from work or school are included.It is possible that dealing with these will improve things.
Step 3: If you are involved in the problem, consider it.
If you feel like your boyfriend is to blame for everything, ask yourself if you contributed to your arguments.It is possible to reduce the intensity of the argument if you admit that you did something wrong to your partner.It's important to admit when you're wrong.You can have different views about something.People don't see things from the other person's viewpoint.
Step 4: You can find solutions that you can live with.
You don't know how to resolve the problem.Take some time to think about what your ideal outcome would be, and then ask yourself what other possible outcomes you could accept.The larger context of your needs and the relationship will be put into the argument.Write down what you want to say to your boyfriend.
Step 5: Tell your boyfriend that you want to talk.
It might help him to know in advance.He has a little time to think about his position.
Step 6: Along with your boyfriend, set a goal for the argument.
The goal should be the same for you and your partner.It's a good idea to write out your goal and document any compromises you make.If you have a disagreement about how much time to spend together on weekends, you could set a goal to resolve it.It's possible to show when you'll hang out versus when each of you will have time to do other activities.
Step 7: You can do something fun after the talk.
A new activity will remind you why you're in the relationship.
Step 8: The time limit should be set.
Allow 30 minutes for the conversation.This makes sure the argument won't go on indefinitely.
Step 9: "I" statements can be used to express your feelings.
You can explain your thoughts without blaming your boyfriend.It helps keep the lines of communication open and flowing because it reduces the risk of them feeling defensive.You could say "I feel like I'm always the one who starts our texts" instead of "You never text me first."
Step 10: Allow your boyfriend to have his say.
Listen as he speaks and give him his side of the story.Don't interrupt him, even if what he says makes you angry.Ask questions in a neutral tone if you need clarification.
Step 11: Retain receptive body language.
Non-verbal communication is important.To let your boyfriend know you're listening to him, sit or stand with your shoulders and knees crossed.Arm-crossing, toe-tapping, and eye-rolling can be avoided.Touch him.Even though you have differing opinions, maintaining contact will help keep you in touch.Sometimes it's best to stop talking and just hold each other.
Step 12: Listen for the emotional content of what he says.
Maybe his emotional needs aren't being met.He might not say it out loud or even realize it.How can you better meet these needs?Emotional needs include: security, love, fun, friendship, physical intimacy, control over one's environment, inclusion, self-esteem, status, a sense of achievement, meaning and purpose.
Step 13: You should confirm what your boyfriend has said.
It helps both of you understand his perspective if you repeat what you've heard from him.
Step 14: Your partner should allow you to have your say as well.
Speak openly, calmly, and specifically about what's bothering you.Now it's your turn to interrupt your boyfriend, gently remind him that you let him speak for as long as he needed.
Step 15: What can you do to reach a positive outcome?
This will most likely involve compromise on both parts, but try to find enjoyment in giving something for the benefit of your relationship.
Step 16: You should confirm your agreement.
Make sure each of you understands your part of the plan, how you can remind each other of your agreement, and what the consequences are if you do not uphold your end of things.When you can re-examine how well things are going is when you should set a date.
Step 17: You can't change what is happening in the other person.
Arguments continue despite your best efforts.If your boyfriend is acting arrogant, judgmental, or misinterpreting you, he is hurting his ego, which is why he's acting this way.He's not in a state where you can bring him around by saying or doing the right thing.
Step 18: Go away.
You can take care of yourself, even if you can't change what's happening with the other person.It helps avoid damaging confrontations if you realize this.Remember, though, that this is not a punishment to your boyfriend and that it's okay to walk away from him.When he decides to open up, be there to listen.A 30-minute break can help you calm down.Before you go back to your boyfriend, take a walk, call a friend, or do something else entirely.
Step 19: It's time to stop talking.
Keep silent if you can't walk away from the argument.Listen to your feelings instead of shouting.