Your parents are supposed to be a source of safety, wisdom and contentment for you, but sometimes those relationships can be poisoned with anger and contention.Maybe your parent has hurt you in some way, and you are not sure what to say to them.If you assess your emotions, speak to your parent, and then move forward from the issue, you can express your feelings in a calm and healthy manner.Stay calm, and look at the future.
Step 1: It's time to calm down.
You might be tempted to get angry if you feel that your parent has hurt you.If your parent recently took away your phone or car, you might be angry.You might say things that you don't mean when frustrated or mad.Take a few moments to breathe and calm down as you step away from the situation.Take a deep breath through your nose and exhale.Say to your parent, "Do you mind if I take a break from this conversation to clear my head?" Quiet moments alone tend to provide greater clarity.
Step 2: Write your thoughts down.
It's possible that your feelings for your parents are disorganized in your head.Writing them down is a great way to process your thoughts, remain calm, and begin developing what you will say to them.Write down your thoughts and feelings in a notepad.If you're feeling creative, it might be helpful to write a poem or song.
Step 3: The source of your feelings should be considered.
You might be angry at the wrong person because of the stress that is outside of their control.You might be asked to clean your room by your mother after you were bullied at school.You should not take your anger out on an innocent party.Hate does not come about all of a sudden, but usually builds over time, so consider any behaviors or comments your parents have made that have built towards this moment.
Step 4: Determine if hate is an appropriate descriptor.
You may feel that hate is not appropriate and that what you want to say is "I am angry with you" instead.You might feel that your hate is justified.Maybe your parent has been neglecting you.Hate is understandable in these instances.If your parent grounded you for a few weeks because you got in trouble at school, it probably doesn't justify your dislike of them.You can't take back what you say.If telling your parent that you hate them makes you feel better, consider it.
Step 5: Consider their point of view.
If you hate your parent because of certain circumstances, consider why they have acted that way.Maybe your parent has a mental health disorder.It's not an excuse for mistreating you, but it can help you understand the situation.Break negative family patterns with open and honest communication.Some of the hate you might feel will be dissipated by developing sympathy.
Step 6: Talk to people you know.
Before you tell a parent that you hate them, you should talk to your family and friends.Vent to a friend of yours who has gone through the same thing.Your siblings can be helpful through this, as they may feel the same or have some advice on how to move forward.Do you remember when you and your dad fought?What happened to end that?
Step 7: Don't talk to them in public.
You will want to make sure that you don't say anything to your parent.Don't talk to them in front of people who are not aware of the situation.Set aside some time to speak to them.You could say, "Hey mom, can we talk about something tonight?"You can either have this conversation on the phone or invite an adult you trust if you feel that you will be in physical danger.
Step 8: Speak calmly.
Hate comes from a place of deep anger or hurt, but you must control these feelings during your conversation.Before you start the talk, take some deep breaths and meditate.Speak with honesty and not bitterness.
Step 9: Tell them how you are feeling.
Begin the conversation in a nonthreatening way once the time comes.Don't yell, scream or curse at them.Get out all of your true feelings about them by being very honest and open.I've been thinking about this for a while.Our relationship should not be like this.I hate you because of the things that have happened.
Step 10: Don't be defensive.
Don't try to defend yourself when your parent speaks from their perspective; remember that this is not a trial.Don't repeat yourself over and over.This cheapens your words.If your parent says you are an ungrateful child, don't try to reason them out of it.Say something like, "I hear you and will think more about that but it doesn't change my feelings."
Step 11: Listen to what I have to say.
You should listen to your parent.This is a good time for you to get out of your feelings and for them to do so as well.You may be able to diminish the hate you feel if you know about some of the situations in their life.Allow them to talk.While they are speaking, don't prepare a response in your head.The clarity that you need to move forward may be provided by what they say.
Step 12: List the help of others.
If you feel threatened by your parent, invite a trusted adult relative to be with you.If your parent feels ganged up on, make sure this person is not against them.Tell this person that they should either remain silent or be involved in some way.Violence can be prevented by the presence of an adult.They can give mutual advice that will end the conversation in a positive way.Ask your relatives.
Step 13: Write a letter.
Maybe you feel like your parent won't listen to you in person or that you express yourself best on paper.You can leave a letter for your parent in a place that they will find, but others will not.If you begin the letter with "I have been wanting to discuss this with you for a while and I'm finding it difficult to do in person, which is why I am writing this letter to you now", you can make edits easily.
Step 14: Get some space.
After you tell a parent that you hate them, both of you will need some time to process it.Suggest that the two of you don't interact for a few days or at least a couple of hours after the conversation is over.Go for a walk, watch a show, or read and take a break.Say something like, "We have both said our feelings."I think we could benefit from some space from one another for a while.
Step 15: Do not fight.
Fights with your parent should be avoided during this period of space.Don't try to get them to do something.Don't criticize or insult them.You should remember that peace can be established in your home and relationships.You can restore peace if you control and moderate your responses.Do all you can to avoid arguments and fights.
Step 16: Take care of your responsibilities.
One way to avoid arguments is to keep your promises.Do your homework before dinner if you're supposed to.If you babysit a sibling or mop the kitchen floor, don't have to be reminded.This will help to make sure that you are doing everything you can to keep the peace.You cannot control others, you can only control yourself.Try not to do your chores in order to get back at your parent.
Step 17: Seek help.
Family therapy can be used to work through your issues with your parent.Many therapists are trained to help restore families.It is a great option to go to therapy alone.Your therapist can help you talk about the issues that are bothering you."Hey Dad, I would really like for you and I to go to therapy together to work out our issues."You can talk to your school social worker if you are in school.
Step 18: Allow your parent to forgive you.
You can't move on from something your parent did to you.Forgiveness is a choice, it doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship with them.You will only detract from your happiness if you hold onto hate for them.You don't have to remember what they did but you should let go of the hurt.Pray for forgiveness from your parent.You can talk to a friend.Writing down what they did to you and then burning or throwing it away is a way to let go of the hurt.