It can be hard to tell your family when you come out.Take some time to think about who you want to tell and what you would like to say.You can plan on writing a letter, talking on the phone, or in person.Pick a good time and place and be prepared to have an open and honest conversation if you want to talk face to face.Make sure to lean on your support system after you come out.This can be an emotional process.
Step 1: You should be prepared to discuss your sexual orientation.
It is possible to speak your truth to others.You are ready to come out if you are prepared to live as yourself.You might want to wait to tell your family if you are not sure how you identify.Before you tell your family that you are gay, make sure you say to yourself, "I am gay and proud of who I am."It is okay if you have trouble figuring out how you identify.Go to a website that is helpful for PFLAG.The organization has a lot of resources for members of the LGBT community.You could ask a gay person if they could share their coming out experience with you.
Step 2: Write what you want to say down.
You might be nervous before you come out.That is alright!It's a good idea to plan out what you're going to say.This will make you more comfortable.Jot down what you want to say and then write it down.You could say something like, "I have something important to tell you."I can be open and honest with you because I am gay, and I'm very happy that you know that.Write down your response if the person says something negative.I was hoping for your support, so you could try.Maybe we could talk again in a few days if you're not able to offer that right now.
Step 3: Pick one person to tell first.
Unless you want to, you don't have to tell multiple people at once.Think about who in your family is supportive and understanding.You should tell them first.When you are ready to tell more people, they can serve as your support system.You can tell both parents at the same time.You can talk to them separately if you feel more comfortable with one of them.You can tell a sibling first.It is up to you and who you feel most comfortable with.
Step 4: If you aren't comfortable speaking face to face, write a letter.
Write a letter if you are feeling uncertain.A personal note for a family member is a great way to express yourself.It will give them time to process your news privately.You have time to edit and make sure you say what you want to say in letters.If you don't want to speak in person, talk over the phone.
Step 5: If you don't think you'll be supported, consider waiting.
It's great that you want to be transparent with your family.Don't tell someone if you've been told they're not accepting.It's great to want to live your truth, but you need to prioritize your feelings.It might not be worth it to come out to someone who makes you feel bad.Don't tell someone if they make homophobic comments, they have threatened to not support you if you come out as gay.
Step 6: If you need to change your living situation, you should have options.
Make sure to plan for how that might affect you if you think your family member will react negatively.If you live with your parents, make sure you have an alternate living plan in case they kick you out.Hopefully, that won't happen, but it's best to be prepared.If the conversation doesn't go well, ask a friend or family member if you can stay.Wait to tell your parents until you can support yourself.
Step 7: Pick a place where you will all feel comfortable.
This is an important conversation and needs time and respect.Pick a time when you don't have to rush off to do something else.Pick a location where you are comfortable and confident.Don't try to talk to your dad while he's cooking dinner.Say, "Dad, I have something I want to talk about."It's a good idea to have this conversation in your living room or coffee shop.
Step 8: Focus on the positives if you want to deliver your message.
This is not the time to play in the bush.The other person should not get confused or impatient.Do it confidently and state what you want to say.Positive statements will help you feel good about what you are saying and will let the other person know that this is good news.Say, "I want you to know that I'm gay."I want to let you know that I am excited about dating and ready to start.
Step 9: Let them know who they can tell.
It is fine to not let the world know you are sharing this with your family.Tell your family members who they can and can't tell.It's up to you.The top priority is your comfort.I would really appreciate it if you kept this to yourself.I will let you know if it is okay to talk to someone else, but please keep this between you.
Step 10: Allow them to ask questions
Your family member might be taken aback by what you mean by your sexual identity.It is okay for them to ask questions.If you feel comfortable, calmly answer them.They probably are not trying to be rude.If your brother asks if you are gay, you can say yes.I identify as gay.Do you have any questions about what that means?
Step 11: Provide them with what they need.
It's possible that your family members don't know how to support you.They might be confused about how this will affect you and your family.Let them know that they can ask for help.They should be directed to the PFLAG website.You can give the resources that you find online to others by printing them out.If there is an LGBT support center in your town, you should stop by and pick up some information for your family.
Step 12: If your parents react negatively, tell them what you need to do.
You'll feel bad if your family member doesn't offer you support.If they say something negative about you, remind yourself that you are important and good enough.In the moment, tell your parents what you need.You can say, "I really need to know that you love and support me."This is making me angry.Please respect my need for space because I'm going to take a walk.I still love you, I know you're upset.
Step 13: If the situation becomes unsafe, walk away.
Your family is likely to be understanding.You might need to remove yourself from the situation if they react negatively.It's fine to take a break if you are overwhelmed.It doesn't have to be dangerous for you to walk away.If your family member is threatening to physically harm you, you should go somewhere else.
Step 14: The other person should be given time to react.
It's normal to be upset if you don't receive immediate support.That's okay!You didn't do anything wrong.Try to understand the other person.They may be confused, upset, or startled.Allow them time to process their feelings.Even though you're hurt, don't take it personally if they say they need some space.It is normal for people to want to work out their feelings for a few days or weeks.It might seem hard, but give them time to do it.
Step 15: The dialogue needs to be open for the future.
Unless you want it to be, this isn't the end of the conversation.This process is about you and what makes you happy.Let them know that you want to keep talking after your initial conversation.You can say you are happy to answer more questions later or that you could use their help telling people.If your family member was not nice to you, don't feel the need to do this.Even if it means not talking to the person for a while, it is okay to do what is best for you.
Step 16: Get in touch with local groups for support.
It is an emotional process to come out.Even if your conversation goes well, you might still need more support.If there are lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer support groups in your area, look online.Search online to find an online community if there isn't a group nearby.
Step 17: Keep in touch with supportive friends and family.
Let them know that you need more kindness during this time.If you've already come out to them, you can say, "I told my sister I'm gay and it didn't go well."Do you have time to discuss it with me?Even if they don't know you're gay, you can still get support.Say, "I'm going through some tough stuff."Will you join me on a walk to help me relax?
Step 18: Being kind to yourself is a good way to practice self-care.
Coming out can make you feel like you're on a roller coaster of emotions.It is normal to feel that way.While you're on this journey, be kind to yourself.You should remind yourself every day that you are a valuable person.Spending time with supportive people, playing with a pet, and reading a good book are some of the things you can do to take care of yourself.