The term "autism spectrum disorder" is sometimes referred to as "asperger syndrome" or "PDD-NOS".People are affected in different ways by it.Some people with special needs face extra challenges in romantic relationships.If you are in a relationship with a person with an intellectual disability, you may be wondering how to deal with some of their quirks.You can begin looking for ways to improve your communication with your boyfriend, such as by anticipating social challenges, accepting repetitive behaviors, and staying calm when you are upset.
Step 1: You can learn more about the disorder.
You will have a better understanding of what your partner is going through if you educate yourself about the condition.This knowledge can help you to be more patient, learn better ways to communicate, and even improve your relationship.Read the general definitions of the disorder.Since they have firsthand experience on what it is like to live as anaustical person, focus on books and articles written by them.Some groups that claim to speak for people on the spectrum are actually trying to silence them.
Step 2: Be aware of his challenges.
Non-autistic people are able to communicate in a variety of ways.Some forms of expression are hard to understand and respond to.This can cause problems within a relationship.Try to be as direct as possible when you talk to your boyfriend.Imagine if you said something like, "Gina texted me earlier today." You might expect him to ask you about what, but you are not asking him a question.It would be better if he asked, "Do you want to know what Gina said when she sent me the text?"Every person on the spectrum is different.As you get to know more about your boyfriend, expect to learn.
Step 3: Social challenges should be anticipated.
It might be difficult for your boyfriend to deal with social situations that are easy for you.The crowded and loud social situations can cause your boyfriend to be anxious and have a hard time concentrating on what people are saying.It might be difficult for your boyfriend to make small talk.Write a letter to your boyfriend about what he does in social gatherings.Only talk about one issue at a time.You could write a letter about why you want him to attend parties with you.Make social situations more comfortable for him.If you set a time at which you'd leave early so he wouldn't have to deal with it for a long time, he might be able to handle parties.
Step 4: Discuss the physical challenges.
Some people on the spectrum don't like to be touched.It's possible that your boyfriend won't like it if you touch him without warning.It is easier for you to have a better physical connection if you discuss these things with him.You could say to your boyfriend, "I'm feeling really upset right now."Can you give me a hug?It would make me feel better.
Step 5: Accept repetitive behavior.
Some people on the spectrum have routines that help them feel better.They may get upset if these routines are disrupted.If your boyfriend has routines that help him feel more comfortable, try to understand them.Do what you can to not disrupt those routines.If your boyfriend goes for a run every day at 7pm, be respectful of this time and do not try to prevent him from doing his normal routine.Stimming, such as flapping hands or watching lights, is a symptom of autism.Even if you don't understand why he does them, assume that they are important.
Step 6: Discuss your boyfriend's needs with him.
Every person on the spectrum is different.It's possible that your boyfriend has some challenges that other people don't have.Asking some questions will help you understand his challenges and preferences.It will help you to be more aware of his needs.You could say, "I want to know more about things that you struggle with so that I can be more respectful."He should ask about his personal boundaries regarding touch.Does it bother him to be hugged?Do you have to tell him before you hug him?
Step 7: Be aware of the different disabilities.
People on the spectrum may have mental illnesses.People who have trouble with communication and emotional processing are more at risk for sexual abuse by care givers of many different job roles.This could lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.Support your boyfriend when he faces challenges.He might not want to give you the details if he was abused.The best way to help is by respecting his desire not to reveal the details, and by gently offering that he see a doctor if he is very stressed.
Step 8: It's time to ditch the stereotypes.
Many people think that people with the condition are incapable of love or emotions.People on the spectrum have many emotions, do they just express them differently?You should point out incorrect assumptions about the condition when you meet people with it.Try saying something like, "I know that there is a stereotype about people on the spectrum, but the truth is..."
Step 9: You should be prepared for honest answers.
Sometimes people who care about each other will lie in order to please their partner.People with intellectual disabilities may not do this.You could get honest answers from your boyfriend.The answers are not meant to be offensive.If you want your boyfriend to say yes, you might ask, "Do I look good in this yellow top?"If they don't think you do, you might say no.You may want to avoid asking questions that you think will upset you.Honesty is your boyfriend's way of trying to help you.
Step 10: Answer his questions.
If your boyfriend asks you a lot of questions, you may have situations where you can't understand sarcasm or other non-literal forms of communication.If this happens, don't get upset.He cares about you and wants to understand you.
Step 11: Say how you feel.
Body language and other non-verbal signals may be hard for some people to understand.If you want to communicate with your boyfriend, say how you are feeling or what you're thinking.If you state your feelings or thoughts instead of trying to get your boyfriend to guess at them, you will be less likely to have an argument or uncomfortable situation.A non-autistic person who avoids eye contact is often disinterested or upset.It's normal for a person on the spectrum to avoid eye contact.It helps to say that you had a bad day.If he fails to make eye contact with you, don't take it as a sign that he's disinterested in you unless he tells you so.Dropping hints or being silent won't help if he is doing something that makes you angry.He can understand and make a change if he is straightforward.Please don't chew with your mouth open.The sound is bothering me.
Step 12: Let him know how you want him to respond.
Some people on the spectrum don't know how to respond to certain situations.You can help your boyfriend understand what you need and expect of him by telling him how you would like him to respond in those situations.Imagine if you got annoyed when your boyfriend tried to advise you on what to do when you told him about your day at work.Tell him something like, "I appreciate that you want to help me, but I really just need you to listen when I tell you about my day."
Step 13: Be willing to initiate more.
It can be difficult for people on the spectrum to initiate things or to know what to do.You can initiate the things you want to happen, whether it's flirting or kissing.Some people on the spectrum don't have a drive or an understanding of sexuality.He might say or do something that has a sexual implication or double-entendre that he wasn't aware of.He might ask you over to a sleepover with him, having completely innocent non-sexual intentions, not knowing that this would be taken as a sexual proposition by most girls.Explain to him that in a bedroom atmosphere at night between people of the same sex, feelings of intimacy and sexuality are present, and that social sleepovers are usually reserved for younger participants.He appears to be staring at your breasts or another sensitive part of your body because he avoids eye contact with you.Don't think he's being weird.Simply tell him, "I don't feel comfortable when you look in that direction" and direct his gaze to your eyes or somewhere else.If you ever want to have sex with him, make sure he knows what he's consenting to, what sexuality is, and the nature of it.
Step 14: Talk to him before discussing his condition with others.
Some people are more open about their disability than others.Discuss with him how he feels about his diagnosis and who you should tell him.
Step 15: Disagreements should be handled calmly.
Discuss your feelings with your boyfriend in a straightforward manner.A calm, straightforward approach may be more effective than an emotional reaction.Your partner may be confused about why you are upset.Don't make statements such as, "You never," " You are not," and so on.Make statements such as, "I feel," " I think," and so on.This is a helpful approach that works for everyone.
Step 16: Listen to him.
It is important to listen and make your boyfriend feel heard in order to understand his perspective.You should stop and listen to your boyfriend when he is speaking.Don't talk while he is speaking, just listen and understand what he's saying.
Step 17: Clarify your boyfriend's feelings.
It means acknowledging the other person's feelings and not minimizing them.You need to accept what your boyfriend says in order to keep the lines of communication open.Understand first, then respond.Listen closely to his response if you don't know why he feels that way.Try saying something like, "I hear that you are angry about what happened last night."
Step 18: Support his self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can be a problem for people with disabilities, as they may be told that they are burdens because of their quirks.On his bad days, offer him a lot of support and reassurance.If he shows signs of depression or suicidal thoughts, encourage him to get help.
Step 19: Accept who he is.
Your boyfriend's experiences, personality, and life are affected by the condition.This won't change.Love him for who he is, and all.