Set boundaries with people with personality disorders.
There are many challenges for people who live with a personality disorder and people close to them.If you have a family member, spouse, or friend with borderline personality disorder, it's likely that you'll get caught up in their tumultuous emotions.It's important to be compassionate with loved ones who are suffering from BPD, but that doesn't mean you should overlook your own emotional health and well-being.Setting healthy boundaries for what you will and won't tolerate is necessary to maintain a positive relationship with someone who has BPD.Define the limits you want to set, explain them to your loved one, and follow through on your commitment to create and maintain your boundaries.
Step 1: Making your own well-being a priority is important.
Many people fail to set personal boundaries because they think their needs don't matter.If you want to help others and fulfill your own responsibilities, you have to be in good mental and emotional health.It is your right to set boundaries you are comfortable with.In the long run, healthy boundaries can benefit you.They benefit your loved one with BPD by creating a clear sense of structure and predictability in the relationship.
Step 2: Define your boundaries.
It's a good idea to know which limits you're going to establish with your loved one.Think about your values when defining your boundaries.Good boundaries are a way of protecting the things that matter to you most and ensuring you aren't pressured into activities or situations that go against the way you want to live.You might decide not to take your friend's calls after five o'clock if they want to talk on the phone with you every night.
Step 3: Follow-up steps should be decided when your boundaries are crossed.
If your loved one doesn't respect your boundaries, what action will you take?Your loved one will probably not take your boundaries seriously if you don't specify what your reactions will be.A follow-up step should follow the actions of the other person.If your partner shouts at you again, you might decide to leave the house for a few hours until they calm down.
Step 4: Prepare yourself for the reactions of your loved one.
When you tell the other person you need them to behave differently, they may be angry, hurt, or embarrassed.They can act against the boundaries, take the change personally, or accuse you of not loving them.You don't want to be caught off guard when it happens.
Step 5: When you and your loved one are together, choose a calm time.
Talking about boundaries can be a touchy subject.You can make the conversation easier by talking with the other person at a time when you are both stable.Don't introduce the topic of boundaries after a fight.The conversation won't be productive if the other person feels defensive or angry.Say something like, "Are you free for a minute?"I want to talk with you about something.
Step 6: You must clearly state your boundaries.
When you tell your loved one about your new boundaries, be upfront.Don't apologize or back down, be kind.Explain what you need to the other person.The risk of the other person taking offense is lessened by using a calm, non-confrontational tone.
Step 7: Why are these boundaries set?
Hearing about the new limits on the relationship might be hard on your loved one.It is important that they understand why you are doing it.You should be honest about your reasons.Use a non-accusatory way to explain, focusing on your needs instead of what the other person is doing wrong.If you find your spouses mood swings exhausting to deal with, you could say, "It's really wearing me out trying to guess how you'll be feeling from one day to the next."I need you to talk to me about your feelings more often.
Step 8: Let your loved one know that you value them.
When others set boundaries with someone with BPD, they may feel insulted.Give your loved one plenty of reassurance that you are not rejecting them as a person and that your relationship with them is still important to you.The ways your boundary will benefit both of you should be emphasized.This will show your loved one that you are not trying to push them away by setting limits.You could say to a friend, "I think spending more time on our own will be good for both of us in the long run."When we do get together, I have more energy for socializing because I spend enough time alone.
Step 9: Don't let the other person make you feel guilty.
Your loved one may try to make you feel bad.They should not sway you with emotional manipulation.You have the right to protect yourself.
Step 10: Carry out any set rules.
Follow through with your follow-up steps if the other person doesn't respect your boundaries.It is important to follow through.They will get the message that you are not serious about your boundaries.Your loved one may stop testing you if they realize you are serious about your boundaries and rules.
Step 11: If you mean it, don't give an ultimatum.
It can be tempting to make an ultimatum if you want your loved one to cooperate with you.If you don't follow through on ultimatums, they lose their power.If you are fully prepared to carry it out, don't give an ultimatum.
Step 12: Stay flexible.
Setting and maintaining boundaries is not a one-time event.If you find that something isn't working for you, change your boundaries.If you communicate with the other person about changes in boundaries, you can stay on the same page about what you expect from the relationship.
Step 13: If you have to, distance yourself.
Sometimes healthy boundaries are not enough to improve a relationship with a person with BPD.It is probably best to end the relationship if the person acts abusive towards you.You have no obligation to maintain a friendship with someone who doesn't respect you or your needs if you put your safety and sanity first.
Step 14: You can set compassionate boundaries.
Knowing what is normal and what isn't for a person with BPD can help you decide what boundaries are fair for both of you.If your partner experiences stress-related paranoia, you may be tempted to set a boundary, like, "Don't approach me with your concerns when they're unfounded."Say, "Let me know when you're feeling paranoia."Other symptoms include a fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, changes in self-image, impulsive behavior, suicidal behaviors, mood swings, and feelings of anger or emptiness.
Step 15: Consider the causes of a loved one's illness.
It is possible that environmental factors such as child abuse or neglect may have impacted your loved one's BPD, as well as genetic or brain abnormality.When you approach your loved one about setting boundaries, remember that their BPD may stem from trauma, genetics, or both.I want to help myself so that I can help you more.
Step 16: You can set boundaries more compassionately if you understand the nuances of BPD.
A difficult and tumultuous mental illness, often characterized by an intense fear of abandonment and pattern of intense, unstable relationships.If your loved one experiences this extreme aversion to separation, realize that they may become upset when you approach them with the idea of setting personal boundaries, seeing it as a rejection or pulling.They may be afraid that they will lose you as well.If you want to help both your loved one and yourself, approach them with compassion and empathy.
Step 17: Help your loved one with their depression.
Take them to the doctor, spend quality time with them, and tell them you love them.They will be more willing to see your point of view if you show your love and support.