Men are considered to be the perpetrators of domestic violence.Women can also be violent.If you're in a relationship with a woman who is violent, you need to learn how to protect yourself.You should learn your rights in this situation and what you can do to get help.
Step 1: First, establish safety.
If your spouse acts violently towards you or anyone else in the home, the first thing you need to do is get yourself to a safe place.This could be a locked room in a home, a neighbor's house, or the police station.If she comes at you, try to shield yourself from harm as much as possible without retaliating, as this can cause you to be considered a perpetrator as well.If you have children in the home, you should alert them to head to your safety zone whenever they shout or act violent.Call the emergency services if you think you are in danger.
Step 2: You should be with someone you trust.
You need support and help if you want to get out of an abusive relationship.Asking someone to help you find a way to leave can be helpful.As you prepare to leave, you need to gather resources, copies of documents and other items.A trusted friend is able to store these items for you.You don't have to stay in the home if you have a separate bank account, legal ID and cell phone.
Step 3: If you can, leave the relationship.
You can coordinate if you research your options for filing for separation, custody and other legal matters.If there are children in the home, make a plan for everyone to leave.If you want to take the kids with you, this plan needs to account for local laws about custody.During a time when your partner is less likely to think something is going to happen, you may be able to time leave.If you have to leave during active abuse, be aware that you are most likely to be charged with false accusations of being the abuser, or even getting hurt.
Step 4: If there are any offenses, document them.
Keeping records of everything will help protect you from false charges of abuse from your partner.If you keep a journal, make sure you give a copy to a friend so they can keep it out of the home.You can document the abuse by photographing injuries you or others sustain, having others write down testimony to what they witness, or keeping a journal with dates, times, and details of what happened.In order for this to be considered documentation of abuse, you must refrain from making judgements.Don't let the facts get in the way of sticking to them.
Step 5: Refrain from revenge.
This may be what she is trying to get you to do.A female abuser may attempt to push her male partner to the point of reacting violently or seeking revenge in an abusive relationship.Depending on the local laws, you could end up in jail.Documenting and not reacting to abuse is much safer for you in the long run.
Step 6: There is a domestic violence support program.
Men are less likely to report abuse because they think they are alone.It is possible to see how common it is by seeking help and support.Shelters, assistance programs, and other forms of support can be found in your area.
Step 7: You should make a plan for when you leave.
When you decide to leave the home, you should have an action plan.This plan would include what you need to do, as well as letting those close to you know what's going on.If you are leaving with the kids and your partner calls, your family should know what to do.Many support programs have resources that can be used to prepare a safety plan.Setting up secure mailing addresses is one of the ways to protect yourself.
Step 8: If you are a man, understand the statistics of violence against men.
In about 10% of homes, men are abused.Men who are abused come from a variety of situations.Control or emotional abuse is more likely to be used by female abusers against male partners.
Step 9: If you have children, you should talk to a family lawyer.
If you want your kids with you, fight for them.If you can prove that taking the kids with you would be a better solution than staying with their mom, most states will allow you to file for an emergency order.There is a myth that the mother will get custody.When fathers ask for custody, they often get it.This includes situations where there was no abuse.Don't give up.You have a chance.You have the right to leave the home in most states, but if you are married there may be legal things you need to do to set up legal separation and custody.You may not have the right to leave with the kids if you don't take legal steps.You want to be aware of the legal issues you face so that you don't get manipulated by your partner.
Step 10: How do you handle these cases?
Local support groups will often have information about local law enforcement and laws.It's in your best interests to work with the legal system.If you need a restraining order, they can help.Taking steps to quietly line up service right after you leave the home can help to avoid a bigger issue in front of children.
Step 11: Consider how your partner speaks to you.
Many people think of physical abuse when they hear the term domestic abuse, but it's not the only form of abuse.Your partner's verbal interactions with you would be considered abusive if she called you names, insulted you or belittled you and said you deserved to be treated this way.
Step 12: Notice the lighting.
In gaslighting, your partner manipulates you to doubt your own sanity, and rely on her for knowing what is and isn't real.She may try to make you believe that you can't tell fact from fiction if she accuses you of making things up or overreacting.She may also say this about you to other people, to try to make them believe you.
Step 13: Do you know if your girlfriend or wife is threatening you?
Threatening behaviors can be subtle or obvious.The threat can be physical, emotional or tied to sex.If you try to leave, she will call the police to have you arrested for domestic violence or something else you did not commit.If you are told that you will never see your kids again if you act in a way she doesn't like, you can use your fear of losing contact with your children to keep you in the home.She won't allow you to have contact with your family or friends unless you agree to her demands.If you leave she will harm herself or someone else.
Step 14: Do you think your partner tries to control you?
Another form of abuse is controlling another adult.The behaviors that would be considered controlling include limiting your access to the phone or other communication with the outside world.Tracking and monitoring your cell phone bill is one of the things that may be included.Being jealous about contact with other women in public or with co-workers.She can use this outrage to justify hurting you.You feel like you are always walking on egg shells because she may explode at any time, threatening to harm or kill herself, or taking control of the household funds to the extent that you can't buy things for yourself without her approval.
Step 15: Do you know if your partner has ever struck you?
If she has hit you, that can be considered abuse.Many men feel like they have to just accept being hit by a female partner without reacting because a man shouldn't hit a woman.This can be used in the manipulation.Depending on local laws, a woman hitting a man may be treated differently.This can be used to keep a secret.She may tell you that the man who is always arrested is the one who calls the police.Striking doesn't always mean hitting.If your partner hurts you, it's also physical abuse.Throwing a glass at you or hitting you with a belt are examples of using an object as a weapon.This is still abuse if your partner misses on purpose.
Step 16: Abuse can also be carried out sexually.
Women are more likely to use sex to control their partner's behavior.This is also a form of abuse.Your partner may threaten false accusations of sexual misdeeds as well as withholding sex.If she uses sex as a way to humiliate or emasculate you, it may be a form of abuse.This would include touching you in a way that is unwanted, hurting you during sex or forcing you to do something you don't want to.You should be able to say "no" without worrying about how she will react, and have her respect it, without her getting upset with you for saying no.
Step 17: If your interactions are a recurring cycle, consider it.
If you're in an abusive relationship, you don't have to be bad.It is common for her to have low times during the abuse and then be very apologetic and willing to do anything to get you back.When you start talking about leaving, family may not understand because the best times are in front of them.You can establish patterns if you keep track of the good and bad interactions.It is hard to see that you are repeating the same cycle and that the positive behaviors will soon give way to abuse.The pattern of this cycle of abuse is abuse, guilt, excuses, "normal" behavior, and then build up to the abuse starting again.