It can be difficult to explain what happens to a body after it dies.The challenges of talking to a child about cremation can be overcome with a thoughtful approach.It is possible to better explain cremation to a child if you follow the child's lead and involve him in memorialization.
Step 1: Consider the child's stage of development.
A child's age affects their understanding of death.Some children think death can be reversed.The children think they can escape death.Children begin to understand death as an irreversible part of life at a young age.You can't talk to your child about death.Consider the culture of your family, the child's age, and the circumstances of the death.Pick a quiet place where your child can focus on what you're saying.
Step 2: Don't be mean and be honest.
Simple and relevant explanations of death are important for children.Try saying that Grandfather was sick for a long time.His body stopped working and the doctors couldn't fix it.It is okay to show that you are sad or angry.It can make it harder for your child to process their own emotions if you don't.If your family friend died in an accident, you should say it in a way that won't traumatize your child.You don't need to say that Kim was in a bad car accident that caused her body to stop working.Words like "bad" can be used.There was something wrong, but it won't scare them.
Step 3: Don't use euphemisms that are confusing.
The child could develop a fear of sleeping, so don't use explanations like, Daddy went to sleep.You shouldn't say, "Mommy went away." This can instill fear of even brief separations like a parent going to the store.
Step 4: Make sure the child is aware of what's being said.
The child needs to understand what you said about death.The answering of the same questions may take time.Be patient with the child.Follow your child's lead after you provide an explanation.They may want to ask many more follow-up questions if they need time to quietly process this information.Asking your child to explain what happens when someone dies is a way to make them understand.Many kids learn by repetition, so they might need to have their questions answered multiple times.Some children might not show much of a reaction at first.Give them time to absorb it on their own pace, because that can be part of how they're processing it.When they are ready to talk, make sure you know you're there.
Step 5: Allow the child to ask questions.
It is normal for children to have questions about death, and it is important you are open and forthcoming when responding to these inquiries even if you don't have all the answers.Try saying, "All living things die eventually, but most of us will live until we are very old so you don't need to worry about dying for a long time."I will love you for the rest of my life.If you don't know how to answer a question, you can say things like, "I wonder..." or "Let me think about that and get back to you."Then, ask a trusted resource, like a partner or friend, or seek professional support, such as a book or therapist, for guidance.
Step 6: Books about death can be read with a child.
You can read books with your child on the subject of death.It is possible for your child to gain a better understanding of death by reading a book about it.
Step 7: Follow the child's instructions.
Some children will not be interested in the process of cremation.Make sure you don't push the child's curiosity by explaining what they are not interested in.Consider what prompted your child to ask about cremation.Did they get the idea that a loved one was going to be cremated instead of buried?Did they hear it from a friend or TV?The situation can be used to tailor your discussion of cremation.
Step 8: Don't say things like "burn" or "fire".
A negative impact can be made on the child by using such words.Children can be frightened by being told that their grandmother will be burned or placed in a fire.It is important that the child is not scared of cremation.Don't say grandma wanted to be cremated.She wanted to be cremated when she died.Her body will be placed in a hot room until it becomes soft ashes.
Step 9: Allow the child to know that the deceased won't feel pain.
Children are afraid of cremation due to the fact that the deceased will experience extreme pain as their remains are burned.You can assure them that pain is not part of the process.Say, "Anna, I want you to know that Daddy will not be hurt when he is cremated."
Step 10: The child should be told that the deceased's spirit won't be harmed.
Explain that the soul won't be harmed if you are spiritual or religious.It is important for a child to know that the deceased's spirit or soul will not be affected by cremation."Grandma's body will be turned into soft ashes, but her spirit will not be harmed because it left her body when she passed on."
Step 11: If the child wants more information, give it to them.
If the child asks you for specifics, don't go into detail.Children will be curious about how cremation works.Try to give the child some of the information they want.Say, "There won't be any smoke or smell when my mom is cremated."It will get very hot, about three times as hot as our oven gets, and this heat will turn everything into soft ashes, except some pieces of bone.The remains will be white because they are made of bone.
Step 12: What do you think will happen to the ashes after cremation?
It can be helpful for a child to know where their loved one's ashes will end up.Discuss the wishes of the deceased with the child.We grew up on a farm in Kentucky.She wanted her ashes to be scattered there after her death, which is why we are traveling there next week.We will keep the urn with his ashes on the mantle to honor him.
Step 13: The memorialization process should include the child.
Allowing the child to make a decision about whether or not they will participate in the funeral, memorial, or scattering of ashes will allow them to approach their loved one's death in a way that feels comfortable to them.You told the child that there would be a ceremony to honor Uncle Ted.Don't force your child to attend any memorial if you want to say goodbye to him.It is possible that forcing them could affect the grieving process negatively.
Step 14: Allow the child to keep asking questions.
Even though a child didn't seem interested in discussing death or cremation in the immediate days and weeks following a loved one's death, they will still have questions.It has been a few months since we scattered Grandpa's ashes.Do you have any questions?
Step 15: Don't forget to support the child in the weeks, months, and years after cremation.
Children need to feel supported and loved during the grieving process.Creating a space for your child to mourn openly and remaining available as time passes will help the child heal.Tell the child that you are there to support them.Maybe you can say, "Georgie, I'm feeling sad about grandma's passing and maybe you are as well."You should visit the place where you scattered the deceased's ashes with the child.Don't push the child to talk about their feelings.
Step 16: You should note any changes in the child's behavior.
After the cremation process is complete and the loved one has been memorialized, watch your child closely for changes in their mood or behavior.The child may be having a hard time processing the death.If you notice a change in your child's behavior, seek the help of a mental health professional.